Worth the Risk
by lyviel
Summary: Elden Trevelyan hadn't expected to ever lead anything but now that he was the Inquisitor he would do all he could to ensure their success. Dorian couldn't help but find his determination endearing and let's face it, the Inquisitor stood no chance against Dorian's charm. A series of scenes taking place over the course of the game mostly focusing on Dorian and Elden's relationship
1. Foolish

Dorian sat in the library, a bottle of wine in one hand, his amulet in the other. He was staring at the amulet, watching the way it glinted even in the moonlight. He sat like that for a long time, unmoving. The library was blessedly empty at this time of night so there was no one around to hear him as he cursed under his breath and took a swig of the wine. He hadn't meant for any of this to happen. The Inquisitor, Elden, was kind, perhaps too kind. He knew of people who, had they been in Dorian's position, would have gladly taken advantage of the Inquisitor's affection. That was the last thing Dorian wanted to do. But the Inquisitor had gone out of his way to get his amulet back and Dorian felt like he was doing exactly that. He felt sick to his stomach.

He had to wonder what the Inquisitor wanted out of this. He always came around to talk to him, flirt with him. He even kept Dorian company and listened to him ramble about magical theory. He doubted the warrior understood half of what he said, but he listened and Dorian was surprised how much that meant to him.

Perhaps it didn't mean anything. Either way he supposed it didn't really matter. This wasn't going to go anywhere. It never went anywhere. That idea hurt more than Dorian thought it still could. This had gone far enough. It was time to push this, time to give the Inquisitor the encounter he desired, the encounter they both desired. At least then he would know where they stood and Dorian could stop himself from caring so much.

"So! It's all very nice, this flirting business. I am, however, not a nice man." The Inquisitor smiled at that, as if he thought that that couldn't be farther from the truth and Dorian felt a flash of annoyance. How had he managed to trick this man so thoroughly? So he turned up the charm, because it was easier. It felt like he was back on familiar ground, hiding from the fear and the uncertainty and the way Elden's smile made him feel so warm. "So here is my proposal: we dispense with the chitchat and move on to something more primal."

But Dorian was knocked off balance again only a moment later.

"Do we need to move this quickly?"

"What is it you want from me? A relationship?" Dorian said it mockingly, but he certainly wasn't mocking the Inquisitor. He was mocking himself, belittling himself for the flash of hope he felt at the possibility of more, for even wanting more. He certainly didn't deserve it.

"Is that such a bad thing?"

Dorian's heart twisted at the apprehension in the Inquisitor's voice, the uncertainty on his face and Dorian had nothing to say as he realized that Elden had always wanted more, that this wasn't just a game to him. He had to turn away for a moment to collect himself. He should explain. Elden deserved to know.

"Where I come from, anything between two men… it's about pleasure. You learn not to hope for more. You'd be foolish to."

"This is more," Elden said it so casually, so earnestly, and in that moment Dorian wanted to give Elden what he wanted so badly but he didn't know how.

Dorian finally realized just how much he cared for the Inquisitor and it terrified him. He told himself that it would be fine; eventually the Inquisitor would get bored or realize their "association" was hurting the Inquisition and Elden would apologize because it had to end and Dorian would be in familiar territory again. And yet that hope was still there.

"Fine. Have it your way," Dorian sighed.

Then he kissed Elden and everything seemed different. The way Elden gently touched his cheek, or the way he leaned against him, and even the hand on his back. It all promised something different than the rejection Dorian was waiting for. Elden had always kissed him that way, Dorian just hadn't realized it until now.

And so Dorian concluded his evening sitting in the library, a bottle of wine in his hand once again. He had been prepared to end up back here alone, but nothing else was as he expected.

Dorian was used to rejection, to being used. He was not used to this, whatever this was. So he sat, staring at but not drinking the wine, feeling a spark of hope that he just couldn't bring himself to drown.


	2. Stargazing

"Where exactly do you think you're taking us?" Dorian demanded, wrapped up in several layers of robes wondering why they had to leave behind the perfectly comfortable couch in front of the fire back in the Inquisitor's quarters.

"What's the matter, still too cold for you? Shall I find you an even bigger coat?" The inquisitor prodded. He had the audacity to wear but a simple coat and Dorian couldn't help but wonder how the blighted man wasn't freezing to death.

"I could set you on fire. That would probably cheer me up a great deal and it would be warmer too," Dorian muttered darkly.

Elden laughed and for some reason that seemed to help Dorian's overall disposition. This man laughed easily and often and yet every time it seemed to warm Dorian from within. Of course it also helped that Elden wrapped an arm around Dorian's waist as they walked. He always seemed to be so warm.

"Don't worry," Elden said. "We're almost there. I didn't want to go too far away from Skyhold and risk getting ambushed by bandits or something."

"Really?" Dorian mused. "Because it'd be a lot quicker than freezing to death."

There was that laugh again. Why did it always make him feel better? Finally they rounded a patch of trees and came across a brightly burning fire and a bench piled high with blankets. Elden was grinning at him expectantly and Dorian couldn't help but roll his eyes.

"You really are trying to kill me, aren't you? I'm going back inside." Dorian turned to leave but Elden caught his arm.

"Just wait a moment!" he pleaded. "Just stay for a few minutes and if you're still cold we can go back inside. Please?"

Maker, those damnable puppy eyes. Dorian sighed in exaggerated annoyance and allowed himself to be steered over to the fire. Dorian had to admit it was much warmer over here and as he climbed onto the bench, Elden sat beside him and wrapped them both up in the blankets. As Elden leaned against him, arm around him, Dorian had to grudgingly admit that it was rather comfortable. They leaned back and looked up at the stars and Dorian had to hide a smile as he heard Elden sigh contentedly beside him.

"I brought wine," Elden said after a moment.

"Perhaps once I am able to feel my fingers again," Dorian replied.

Elden shifted slightly and took both of Dorian's hands in his, squeezing them gently. "Better?" he asked.

Dorian sighed in defeat and nodded. This was rather pleasant despite how disgustingly intimate it all was. Elden looked back up at the stars in the sky for a time before he spoke again.

"I was never very good at remembering all of the constellations. Now that we're finding these astrariums everywhere I feel particularly guilty."

"Maker, the schooling in the south really is atrocious. Would you like me to point them out?"

"That would be nice."

Dorian rather suspected he had just been tricked into talking simply so that Elden could listen to his voice. He certainly wasn't paying attention to the lesson at the very least. Dorian continued anyway and somehow he didn't mind when Elden slipped off to sleep. They couldn't stay out here all night but if all of this meant Elden could catch a few hours of actually peaceful rest it would be worth it. He leaned in and carefully kissed Elden's forehead before settling in and simply listening to his steady breathing.


	3. Fishing

Cole had been pressing Dorian, asking him questions about his father for the past hour and it didn't seem as if he would stop any time soon.

"But it hurts. I want to help, but it's all tangled with the love. I can't tug it loose without tearing it. You hold him so tightly. You let it keep hurting, because you think hurting is who you are. Why would you do that?"

Elden stopped, his heart twisting at those words.

"Can someone tell him to stop?" Dorian asked desperately. He sounded as if he was nearly in tears. "Banish him back to the Fade or something?"

Elden knew Cole just wanted to help; he did too after wall. However, reaching into Dorian's mind and voicing his inner thoughts for the entire group to hear was going a bit far. Luckily Cassandra was kind enough to push forward, leading the group as if she had heard nothing.

"That's enough, Cole," Elden said, turning around to face them.

"I'm sorry," Cole said. "I keep making it worse."

Dorian took a deep breath before saying more steadily, "No, I'm sorry. Of course you don't understand. Just… leave me with it for now."

Cole moved on ahead to catch up to Cassandra while Elden moved to Dorian's side. He gently put a hand on Dorian's arm.

"Are you ok?" Elden asked, peering into his face.

"Of course I am, I'm always all right," Dorian said dismissively, but his eyes were red and he didn't meet Elden's gaze as he moved to follow Cole.

Elden couldn't help but think of that conversation all day. He desperately wanted to do something, anything, for Dorian but he just wasn't sure what.

When they made camp that evening Dorian sat by the fire reading casually. The Inquisitor sat nearby. He was supposed to be tending to his gear but instead he seemed to be staring at Dorian. Dorian glanced up to meet his eyes, thinking he was trying to get his attention, but as soon as he did the Inquisitor looked back down at the armor in his hands. Dorian raised an eyebrow and went back to reading. A short time later, however, the Inquisitor was staring again. This time he didn't look away when Dorian met his eyes but he only smiled distractedly and continued to watch him. Confused, Dorian went back to reading. Dorian shifted awkwardly under the intense gaze until finally he had to say something.

"Look, I know I'm practically a work of art, but-" he began.

"We should go fishing tomorrow," the Inquisitor exclaimed at the same moment.

"I- What? Fishing?" Dorian said warily.

"Yes! What do you all think, can we go fishing?"

Cassandra looked surprised. "I… don't see why not," she said hesitantly. "It may be wise to supplement our rations."

"That's settled then!" Elden exclaimed. "Cole, have you ever been fishing?"

"No," Cole replied interestedly.

"You're going to love it!"

Dorian was climbing under his blankets as Elden entered the tent they shared.

"Well, that was certainly exhilarating," Dorian said.

"I know it wasn't something you would usually choose to do. I hope you had at least a little fun."

"I suppose it wasn't completely unenjoyable," Dorian said, remembering how Elden had shown him how to cast, pressing up against him and guiding his arm to show him the movements. As it turns out fishing was mostly spent sitting around waiting, so Dorian had sat back, pole in hand, and simply watched as Elden and Cassandra showed Cole how to tie hooks and apply bait. Well, the baitpart was rather disgusting but other than that it had been rather peaceful and everyone had seemed so… happy. "I may even be persuaded to try it again some time. As long as I don't end up cold and wet again. I may never be warm again."

"Sorry about that," Elden said apologetically. "I didn't mean to splash you. It seems I was a little too excited for Cole's first fish."

Dorian tsked disbelievingly and turned away, but he was smiling. Elden's blankets suddenly dropped down on top of him. He glanced over his shoulder, eyebrow raised, in time to see Elden crawl under the blankets to join him.

"I can at least take care of the cold since you were such a good sport," Elden said. He curled up against Dorian and wrapped his arms around him. Elden was silent for a long time, before he finally spoke in a whisper. "You are so brave. I just want you to know how much I admire you."

Dorian let the silence stretch out between them before he replied; making sure his voice would be steady. "Careful now, we can't have the Herald of Andraste heard saying such things of an evil Magister."

"Lucky for me you aren't either of those things." After a moment Elden finally asked, "Are you ok?"

"I will be," Dorian said, clasping Elden's hand tightly in his, fingers intertwining.


	4. Keep Busy

Dorian sat in his usual spot in the library, piles of books all around him. He hadn't slept much since the Fade, instead spending his nights here looking for something, anything, that could help the Inquisition. During the day he often found his way to Elden's room and read there. The Inquisitor was looking worn down and seemed to be working at a feverish pace, but then again who was he to judge sitting here cataloging at this time of night. Working at such a pace had the side benefit of leaving little time to dwell after all. And when that failed there was always the stash of brandy Dorian kept in his room.

Dorian stood and went to put away a few of the books, wondering if he should retire to his room to invade said stash, when movement outside the window caught his eye. He was surprised to see the Inquisitor there, sword and shield in hand, practicing on a training dummy. Dorian stood watching for a moment before sighing and heading for the stairs.

The Inquisitor was breathing heavily when Dorian approached. It looked as if he had been at it for quite some time. When he caught sight of Dorian he lowered his weapons and actually looked concerned.

"Is everything all right?" he asked.

"I thought I'd go for a walk; get away from the incessant squawking of Leliana's birds." Dorian said it casually, but he felt a weight in the pit of his stomach when he was close enough to see that Elden's eyes were red from more than just lack of sleep. "But perhaps you could use a friendly ear."

"I'm fine," Elden said dismissively, setting aside his sword and shield. He rubbed hard at his face, a decidedly frustrated gesture. "Just a bit tired, I guess."

"Yes, that tends to happen when you spend your nights bashing things instead of sleeping." Dorian crossed his arms and stared him down. "You're an awful liar so why don't you tell me what is actually bothering you."

"I just… don't want to sleep," he finally admitted, looking away.

"If you're worried about dreams, I'm sure Solas would have some suggestions."

"I can't ask him that, he has enough to worry about as is."

"Right!" Dorian said, suddenly very annoyed. "It isn't like you've spent every moment as Inquisitor running errands for everyone under the sun, Solas included! He couldn't possibly be willing to do something minor for you in return!"

"Everything is my fault." Elden said quietly.

"Come again?"

"I wasn't chosen by Andraste or the Maker or anything like that. This is all just a huge mistake. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't arrogant enough to ever think I was some special chosen one, but all this death… Thinking that there was a purpose to all of this made it easier. But no. Every time someone dies, it's on me. I should have done better; I should have been able to prevent it. I'm not cut out for any of this. There are other people, better people, much more suited to leading."

"Now that's enough of that!" Dorian cut in, his voice harder than he meant it to be. "You are in this position now because you just had to play the hero. You stepped in to save the Divine after all. That makes you more qualified than most, if you ask me. And Andraste may not have chosen you, but everyone else certainly did. Why do you think we're all still here? Cassandra, Leliana, or any of the others could have stepped up and taken control but they didn't because it was you; you were the one they were all following from the beginning."

Elden was still looking away, saying nothing, so Dorian moved closer and took his hand, not sure what else to do. Alcohol was a much easier solution to these sorts of problems, he found.

"You can't save everyone, Amatus," Dorian said gently. "And dying in Stroud's place wouldn't have helped. Oh don't look so surprised. I know the thought crossed your mind. Why do you think I was so angry afterwards?"

"I know, I'm sorry," Elden said, finally meeting his gaze. "I know I shouldn't be thinking like this. I know I can't die, I just can't value my life above anyone else's'. We've had to watch so many friends die; I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this."

"Don't apologize," Dorian said dismissively. He wanted to lighten the mood somehow. "You've always been the sort to throw yourself into battle without a second thought to your own wellbeing. The Inquisitor's death would be thematically appropriate after all. If it's all the same to you, I'll continue to do my best to make sure that doesn't happen. Now off to bed with you. We have plenty to do tomorrow and we can't have the Inquisitor passing out at the war table."

Elden gave him a small smile so Dorian decided to call this a victory.

"As long as you promise to take that advice as well," Elden said with a smile as he turned to leave.

Dorian watched him go. Instead of heading for his own room, however, Dorian decided to go back to the library. There were still a few sections he hadn't checked in a while.


	5. Oculara

When Elden entered the small locked house near the Redcliffe docks he was rather surprised to find Oculara parts. He didn't think much of it until he discovered the note. He stopped reading halfway through, his hand going limp as he stared at it in horror. Dorian took it out of his unresisting hands. As soon as the others realized what had happened, he could hear the rage in Dorian and Cole's voices, the grief in Vivienne's, but Elden didn't say anything. He just wanted out of this terrible place. He could feel the walls pressing in on him and suddenly he couldn't breathe. He pushed passed his companions and into the fresh air outside, but it didn't help. He circled around the side of the house and pressed his back up against the cool stone wall and slowly sank to the ground. He put his face in his hands to try to stave off the nausea welling up in his throat. It was all just too much; there had already been so much death.

Someone sat next to him and he felt an arm around his shoulders. He leaned into the embrace, but didn't look up. The Tranquil were kind. They couldn't hurt anyone. They couldn't even defend themselves. They didn't deserve to get mixed up in this. They already had everything taken from them, and now this.

"How many more innocents will die before this is over?" he asked, his voice muffled by his hands.

"I don't know," Dorian said quietly. "Certainly far fewer than in the future we saw."

He was right, of course. It didn't feel like it at times, but they were making a difference. After a moment Elden took a shaky breath and stood. He gave Dorian's hand a brief squeeze before heading back around to where his other companions waited.

"We will find them," Cole said with determination. "We will stop them."

Elden put a hand on Cole's shoulder and nodded before leading them out of Redcliffe.


	6. Dyslexia

This was for a prompt I received over on tumblr (daihell for those interested!) that involved them reading together and addressed Elden's dyslexia

* * *

Elden always looked forward to the evenings when he and Dorian could curl up on the couch together by the fire and read. Usually they would be absorbed in their own books but tonight he had borrowed the latest Swords and Shields from Cassandra and had managed to convince Dorian to read out loud so they could experience it together. Honestly it hadn't taken much convincing at all. He suspected Dorian enjoyed Varric's books more than he let on. No doubt he was equally as excited to see what would happen next.

Elden loved hearing Dorian's voice. He considered it a great victory any time he was able to get Dorian to read out loud. Tonight unfortunately didn't go as planned. They were tangled together on the couch and Dorian had gotten several pages in when he started to drift off.

"Do you want to stop? We can just go to bed," Elden suggested after he dozed off for the second time.

"Nonsense, I know you've been looking forward to this. Would you like to take over reading out loud?"

"I—okay," Elden said, panicking a bit, agreeing more out of reflex than anything else.

He had avoided reading out loud for most of his life. He was a slow reader anyway, but reading out loud was particularly difficult for him. It took much more concentration and if he was nervous as well he tended to trip over the words. He had tried practicing in the past, hoping that would allow him to read better out loud, but that didn't seem to make a difference.

Elden had avoided reading aloud in front of any of the Inner circle, even though he'd be embarrassed to admit it. It wasn't fair, he doubted any of them, but particularly Dorian, would care. Elden wasn't exactly known for being the smartest of the group. Still, a part of him feared Dorian might be disappointed. There was no backing out of it now, though. Dorian handed him the book and they readjusted so Dorian was lying across his chest, face buried in the crook of his neck. Elden held the book up and stared at the page for a moment, before lowering it again.

"Are you sure?" Elden said rather desperately. "I don't want you to miss anything if you fall asleep."

"Its fine," Dorian said gently. "I'm listening, go ahead."

Elden told himself that it would be fine. After all, chances were Dorian would fall asleep and not remember any of this anyway. Then they could go back to the way it had been with Dorian reading out loud. He took a deep breath and began reading. It was as awful as he had been expecting. He stumbled over the words, and cringed. He was spending all his time focusing as hard as he could that it took him a moment to realize Dorian had taken his free hand and was rubbing gentle circles across his thumb.

"Do—do you want me to stop?" Elden asked, suddenly feeling even more nervous, wondering if Dorian could hear his pounding heart.

"No, keep going," Dorian murmured. "You're doing fine."

That was obviously a lie. "No I'm not; I've never been very good at this. I've had the best tutors in Ostwick and I still can't—"

"Please?" Dorian interrupted. "I enjoy hearing your voice."

That stopped Elden. He hadn't really considered that Dorian might like his voice as much as Elden liked his. After a moment Elden continued to read out loud. Dorian sighed contentedly and burrowed more closely against him. Elden assumed he just needed to get through the night. Then Dorian wouldn't make the mistake of asking him to do this again and subject himself to this embarrassment. But the next night he did. And the night after that. Somehow Elden found he appreciated it. He never did get much faster, but he at least didn't stumble over his words as much.


	7. Paperwork

Elden sat at his desk writing furiously. He had hoped to get through the mountain of paperwork before dinner, but that hadn't happened. Now he just hoped he could get through it before nightfall. He would like to get at least some sleep before leaving tomorrow. He shook his left hand absently, flexing his fingers as he worked. The mark was bothering him again, but he did his best to ignore it. A servant entered and quietly placed a tray of food down next to him, and he glanced up with a smile but continued to work.

He heard the door open a short time later and Dorian ascended the stairs.

"And here you are, hard at work as usual," Dorian said. "You should really give it a rest. It wouldn't do to have the grand Inquisitor collapse from exhaustion in public."

Elden smiled up at him briefly but didn't stop writing as Dorian pulled out a chair next to him. "I will shortly. Was there something you needed?"

"Well, it seems our esteemed leader neglected to show himself for dinner. And since I managed to acquire this bottle of brandy I thought I would investigate and see if you could help me with it."

"Thank you, Dorian."

"You're just lucky I didn't finish this without you," he said, holding up the bottle with a smile. He cracked the seal and poured them each a glass. "Now hurry up and eat your dinner before it gets cold and I get bored and leave."

Elden smiled apologetically and reached for the proffered glass. Perhaps most of this could wait until later after all.

"Is your hand bothering you?" Dorian asked suddenly.

"What? No, it's fine," Elden said, forcing his clenched fingers to relax.

Dorian took his hand without a word and began massaging it, starting with his fingertips and making his way up to his wrist. Elden looked up at him in surprise. Was that concern in his eyes?

"What-" he began, but Dorian shushed him.

"I'm afraid the only way to get rid of me is if you indulge me for a moment, Amatus. Eat your dinner, drink your brandy, and then perhaps I'll let you get back to your very important Inquisitorial duties. I imagine you have a lot to get through before we leave for our next destination. Where was it? The Hissing Wastes? What a ghastly name."

Elden sat back with a contented sigh and idly picked at his food. While the general ache in his hand would probably never go away, the massage was definitely helping. He felt a bit bad though. He should be the one doing something nice for Dorian. Elden had been working at a feverish pace since they returned, so they hadn't spent much time together.

"Oh, I almost forgot!" Elden jumped up and retrieved a package nearby. "This is for you," he said, holding it out. Dorian looked a little apprehensive for a moment, and Elden hurried to explain. "Josephine was able to get those books you wanted."

"Finally," Dorian said, taking the package with a grateful smile. "We'll make a decent library out of this place yet. Now finish your work. I'll stay to keep you company and make sure you actually turn in for the night at some point before dawn."

Elden watched as Dorian moved to the nearby couch and after opening the package began flipping through one of the books. This had been a routine of theirs for a while now, and Elden was amazed at how natural it felt. He smiled, picked up his pen, and continued writing.

Well after the sun had set, Elden finally put his pen down, stood, and stretched. He moved over to the couch and sat down next to Dorian, who glanced up at him from his book.

"Finally done?" Dorian asked.

"Thought I'd take a break," Elden said.

"Well now I'm busy, so if you want something from me you'll have to wait."

"I just want to rest my eyes for a moment."

To Dorian's surprise, a moment later Elden leaned against him and rested his head on his shoulder. Dorian turned to say something sarcastic but realized Elden had apparently fallen asleep. With a longsuffering sigh, Dorian went back to reading. He supposed he could let the Inquisitor get a bit of sleep. It was pleasantly warm after all…

Elden jerked awake at the sound of a door closing. It took him a moment to take in his surroundings, to realize that the sun was coming up and that he had apparently fallen asleep leaning against Dorian. He could hear Dorian's even breathing and realized that he had fallen asleep as well, his book resting open in his lap. Someone walking up the stairs that led into his room so Elden reluctantly pulled away, causing Dorian to jerk awake. Dorian cleared his throat and shifted, trying to look more presentable and awake. Elden rubbed his face and smiled sheepishly at him.

"Good morning, Lord Trevelyan. Ah, and Lord Pavus as well, I see," Josephine said as she reached the top of the stairs. She was smiling broadly as if she had known she would find them both here. "I hope I'm not interrupting."

"Not at all," Dorian said with a charming smile.

"I'm sorry," Elden said wretchedly. "I haven't quite finished."

"That's quite all right," Josephine replied. She crossed to the desk and scooped up the letters. "It will take me but a moment to finish them. You will be leaving soon, correct? Enjoy your morning while you can." She left before Elden could object.

"We really did choose the most uncomfortable place to fall asleep," Dorian said as he stood and stretched his shoulders, his neck popping.

"Sorry," Elden said, feeling a bit guilty for practically falling asleep on him.

He stood stiffly and moved behind Dorian and began massaging his shoulders. Dorian sighed appreciatively. After a moment Elden stopped and leaned forward, placing his forehead against Dorian's back, feeling his warmth. That was his first peaceful rest since Adamant. He was having fewer nightmares, but he still needed to do more, to push harder.

"What's wrong, Amatus?" Dorian asked, placing a hand over Elden's.

With a sigh he released Dorian and stood up straight. "Are you ready for this?"

"While I am not fond of all of that sand, it is a desert, so at least it will be warmer than here."

"Deserts do tend to get pretty cold at night."

Dorian had turned to face him and now reached up to place a hand on Elden's cheek. "That's why I keep you around, though. You do have your uses. Now! If you'd be so kind as to direct me to the back exit I will be on my way."

"There's just the one, unless you'd like to jump off the balcony," Elden said, confused.

"That could be a problem. What about the stairs leading farther down?" Dorian pressed.

"Those are still under construction and they don't look at all safe. What's this about?"

"Well, I'd hate to encourage false rumors, and you must see how this looks; the Magister paying a visit to the Inquisitor late at night, not leaving until the next morning."

"I don't care about that," Elden said dismissively, but then he stopped, suddenly horrified. "You don't think that's why I wanted to take this slow, do you?"

"It's something to consider either way," Dorian persisted.

"No! I just- I wanted us to be on the same page. If we're moving too slow for you now, I don't mind speeding things up a bit. I want you to be comfortable with this as well. I don't want to lose-"

Dorian interrupted him, pulling him in close and kissing him hard. Elden expected it to only increase in intensity and was ready to return in kind, but to his surprise Dorian pulled back, ending the kiss tenderly. When Elden opened his eyes he saw that Dorian's were red but he was smiling at Elden with such affection that he wanted to kiss him all over again. Instead he reached up and stroked Dorian's cheek gently.

"Just like that?" Dorian said. "This is all so natural for you, isn't it?"

"I don't understand."

"Never mind. This is fine. We're not going too slowly."

"I meant what I said. I don't care about the rumors."

"Right then." Dorian took a deep breath before offering the Inquisitor his arm and continuing with his usual joviality, "We might as well give them a show. Shall we?"

Elden took it without hesitation.


	8. Reading

Dorian couldn't help but stare at Elden and Cassandra sitting close together a little ways away from the fire and whispering animatedly.

"What are they doing?" he asked Varric suspiciously.

"It seems the Seeker has gotten our dear Inquisitor hooked on my romance serial."  
Before he could stop himself Dorian made a disgusted noise. To his relief, Varric snorted and said, "I know, right?"

Dorian watched them for a few minutes longer, rather amused, before finally standing. "Well, if you'll excuse me, I think I shall retire."

Dorian carefully set a candle next to him as he settled under his blankets. He pulled out the books Josephine had obtained for him and began reading. Elden came in a short time later and joined him.

"Not going to bed yet?" Elden asked, cuddling up next to him.

"I will shortly, Amatus," Dorian replied absently, putting his arm around him.

"Don't stay up too late."

"Mm."

Dorian felt a sense of panic growing within him in that moment. It was so comfortable, so natural, to be here like this with Elden, and yet it was so terrifying at the same time to share this level of intimacy with another person. And of course there was still the fear that this could never last. But he didn't want to think of the future. He never liked to think of the future, and since there was no brandy here he wrapped his arm more tightly around Elden and turned the page.

Dorian wasn't sure how much time had passed, but he had gone through a significant portion of the book when Elden stirred beside him. Elden sat up, wrapping his arm around Dorian as he glanced over at the candle and, seeing how low it had burned down, turned back to Dorian.

"How long have you been up? Have you slept at all?"

"I'll turn in shortly, Amatus. Go back to sleep."

"Have you found anything interesting?"

"Nothing yet," Dorian replied, still not looking up from his book.

"Get some sleep; there will be plenty of time to get through all of those books later."

"Yes, of course, plenty of time as we rush off to fight battle after battle," Dorian scoffed.

"I'm sorry, I know you hate all this camping and running around. I didn't even ask if you wanted to come. Next time if you'd rather stay at Skyhold and research, that's fine."

"What?" Dorian finally looked up from his book. He actually felt a little unsettled at the thought of being left behind. He wouldn't let it show, though. "Don't be silly, camping isn't all bad I suppose. Well, it is, but there are enough perks to make it tolerable. Besides, I am perfectly capable of researching on the go."

"If you keep up this pace you're going to fall asleep on the battlefield." Elden said it jokingly, but his concern was evident.

"Please, that would never happen," Dorian said dismissively.

"Fine, but I'll stay up with you."

"That's ridiculous, there's no need." But Elden was already reaching for his own book. Dorian sighed and looked away, saying more seriously, "I just want to do more. You do so much, it's the least I can do."

Elden reached up, placed a gentle hand on Dorian's cheek and urged him to face him. There was such tenderness in Elden's eyes and Dorian could feel the fear rising up in his throat once again. He let out a shaky breath and closed his eyes. He was so used to remaining guarded, to spending his time with other men just waiting for them to grow bored of him and move on. It was, after all, how Dorian had become so good at being entertaining, distracting. And yet here was a man that demanded nothing of him. Elden was completely content to just sit in his company, to be near him, and it terrified Dorian because he knew without a doubt that Elden cared for him deeply and he… All Dorian had now were his words, his intelligence, and his research. He would give it all to Elden if he could. What else was he supposed to do to show that he… cared?

"You do so much already," Elden said softly, warmly. "You don't need to push yourself so hard."

"I confess I don't know at all how to handle this," Dorian said, opening his eyes.

"It's fine," Elden said. "It's all fine. You don't have to do this alone."

Dorian wanted to laugh, but it came out hollow, strangled. Again he was reminded how natural this all was for Elden. And despite every instinct Dorian had screaming at him, telling to run because this could only end in pain, he turned into Elden and wrapped his arms around him, holding him close. He focused on Elden's heartbeat, his breath on his neck, and finally drifted into sleep.

Something was pressing down on Dorian's chest, making it hard to breathe. He jerked awake, his first thought that they had been attacked in the night and he was about to be crushed by some hulking thing. He opened his eyes and found it was more or less true.

"You weigh a ton," Dorian groaned.

"Mm? Oh sorry," Elden said sleepily, shifting from where he lay half on top of him. "Couldn't have you getting up to read again without me."

"Really, Amatus. It's as if you don't trust me at all."

"Actually, do you think we have a few minutes before we have to get up? I'd like to read some more of Swords and Shields. The part I stopped at was really suspenseful."

"Ugh, I don't understand how you can enjoy those books. They are truly awful."

"How dare you, they are great."

Elden was smiling happily, eyes still closed and looking so content, and Dorian thought that if they could have more moments like this, any amount of pain in the future would be worth it.


	9. Party Selection

Dorian threw open Elden's door, not bothering to knock. He wasn't quite sure when he started doing that, but he was supposed to be angry so he pushed the thought out of his mind as he took the last flight of stairs two steps at a time. Really, having stairs after the door really ruined his entrance.

"You _cannot_ be serious," Dorian said as he finally reached the top and stalked forward into the room.

Elden looked up, startled, from where he stood in front of a mirror straightening the collar of a suit Dorian had never seen before. "What?" Elden asked, looking at him in the mirror's reflection. He looked positively crestfallen. "Does it look that bad?"

"What? No," Dorian said quickly, losing his momentum. He took a moment to actually appreciate the red uniform and felt a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. Blast this man, he was supposed to be angry, not admiring how fitted it was or how good Elden looked in those pants. "No, it rather suits you," Dorian said at last.

"Then what are you talking about?" Elden asked, smiling slightly at the expression no doubt on Dorian's face. Elden turned to face him, tugging at the hem of the coat to smooth out any wrinkles.

"I've just learned that you plan to take me to the Winter Palace," Dorian said, his ire rising again. "I don't think I've ever heard a more idiotic plan. Yes, let's bring the Magister on the diplomatic mission that requires us to gain approval and allies so we can save the world from impending destruction. Have you thought this through at all?"

"Not a Magister. And you're a noble, so you're used to this sort of thing, right?"

"So are you," Dorian pointed out.

"I was never very good," Elden said, running a hand through his hair awkwardly. "I can deflect just fine, but my emotions tend to get the better of me. I don't know if I can hold it together if I'm too nervous or afraid. Vivienne and Varric are coming as well. I was hoping between the three of you, you'd be able to keep me from completely embarrassing myself."

Afraid? Well, he certainly knew how to tug at the heartstrings. "Oh. You actually have thought about this."

"Well, the three of you are the most experienced at this sort of thing. Surely if I back myself into a corner, you can talk a way out for me."

"You realize this could easily make things worse," Dorian said, finally moving to stand before him. "Perhaps just Vivienne and Varric—"

"I could easily make things worse by saying something stupid," Elden interrupted, reaching out and taking Dorian's hand. "I like my chances more with you at my side."

Dorian wasn't able to push down the warmth and affection that rose up in his chest as Elden squeezed his fingers gently. He was surprised how grateful he was that Elden would want him there despite the hundreds of ways this could all go wrong. His immediate reaction was to smother all of these emotions, but he was finding it harder and harder to do so. If he were a better person he would continue to argue, insist on remaining behind. Instead he flashed Elden a brilliant smile and nodded.

"Fine, I never could turn down the opportunity to save the day. I'd like to discuss the plan with you, then. Come find me when you're done?"

"I'm done now, actually."

"Oh no," Dorian said, horrified. "Please tell me you're going to do something with your hair."

"This is just a dress rehearsal, Dorian. And what's wrong with my hair?" Elden asked, brushing it out of his eyes.

"It looks like you just took your helmet off and left it as it fell!" Maker, that's exactly what he did, wasn't it? "Rehearsal or no, you could ruin the Inquisition. Sit down."

Elden obliged sulkily, mumbling that he'd just washed. Dorian picked up a brush and set to work trying to manage the tangled mess. He still knew that going to the Winter Palace was a bad idea, but honestly how was he supposed to say no when Elden looked so concerned? If this was anyone else he would have suspected manipulation, wondered if Elden wasn't actually as bad at all this as he made himself out to be. Then again, how could someone that clever think his hair actually looked presentable in this state? Ugh. Dorian tugged at a particularly stubborn tangle, trying to smooth Elden's unruly hair.

This was Elden, though. He was kind and honest, perhaps too much so at times. And yet Elden was so aware of his shortcomings and was willing to admit them to Dorian and to place his life in his hands. Dorian was glad Elden couldn't see his face right now because he couldn't hide the admiration or the proud smile that tugged at his lips. It was all a bit terrifying to Dorian, but he couldn't help but feel grateful that Elden trusted him that much. Besides, if Dorian didn't go he would probably spend his days feeling miserable and useless as he sat around researching too much and sleeping too little until everyone returned and he could see with his own eyes that Elden and the others were safe.

Once he had wrestled Elden's hair into something presentable Dorian stepped back and put the brush aside.

"Now whatever happens," Dorian said, "even if we get attacked, you are not going to put your helmet on, you hear?"

"What, am I supposed to keep it like this for the entire trip?" Elden asked as he stood to face him. "It'll take us around two weeks to get there!"

"Well, looks like it's a good thing I'll be coming along. I can keep you looking presentable and spare poor Josephine a heart attack. Now, what are you going to do about weapons? As flattering as those clothes are, they don't leave much room to hide anything. A dagger in the boot perhaps?"

Elden groaned in dismay. "This evening is going to end with me fighting through the court unarmed in these uncomfortable clothes, isn't it?

"Most likely. But chin up," Dorian said, flicking at a button on Elden's coat. "At least you'll look good while doing it. And I've always wanted to try Orlesian hors d'oeuvres."

Elden caught his hand again and pulled him close. "Thank you for coming. I really do feel better knowing you'll be there."

Dorian could see it there in his eyes. Elden truly was afraid. He could hide it most of the time but here, with someone he trusted, with Dorian, he let himself show it and that realization made Dorian's heart melt. Maker willing this wouldn't end the way Adamant had, but it was still dangerous in other ways. Elden was getting more confident on the battlefield but he hadn't had to do anything like this in a long time, and this would be the perfect opportunity for the assassins to target him as well as the Empress.

_They'll have to go through me first. _The thought came completely unbidden and took Dorian by surprise. It was terribly clichéd and foolish beyond belief, yet Dorian still meant it in ways he couldn't fully understand. Maker, how did this happen? How had he let this get so completely, wonderfully, terrifyingly out of hand?

"Amatus," he whispered as he kissed him. He had always used that word easily, casually, because he had thought it would be the only way he would be able to use it. With Elden, though, it was different. It felt so right and held emotions he wasn't sure he was ready to examine. He pushed all that away and pulled back. Elden kept his eyes closed for a moment longer, as he usually did, and Dorian couldn't help but smile fondly at him. "Now, I believe Josephine is waiting for you?"

"What?" Elden asked dreamily before his eyes shot open in panic. "Oh! I almost forgot!"

"Hurry up then. I guess I'd better get ready to leave as well. And _don't_ touch your hair, or I'll tell Josephine you did it on purpose."

Elden made a grumpy face at him that came just short of a child sticking out his tongue and then he rushed off. Dorian stood in the room a moment longer, wondering how he of all people had managed to get drawn in so deep, and then he shook his head at himself and left to make his own preparations.


	10. Dancing

"It wouldn't do for the court to discover that she had an elven… friend."

Friend. The way Briala said the world reminded the Inquisitor of the man who had refused to return Dorian's amulet. Elden had been hurt when Dorian said that they weren't friends. He had sounded so angry at the suggestion and Elden hadn't known what to think. Now he understood. He wondered how many lovers had been referred to as friends in order to make their relationship more "acceptable." It must have hurt so much. Elden would be proud to call Dorian his friend and he hoped that they were, but that wasn't what this was about. This was about Dorian being made to feel ashamed of his affection, of being forced to hide it.

So when Elden found an elven locket in Celene's treasury he saw himself and Dorian in them. He didn't care what anyone said about him or his relationship with Dorian but he wondered if this was what Dorian feared for their future. He felt the need to prove that they could be fine. He went to confront Celene.

After the business with the attempted assassination had been wrapped up Dorian found Elden alone on a balcony leaning against the railing. He couldn't help but pause to admire the man. Elden had handled himself well despite his apprehension beforehand, and the night had ultimately been a roaring success. There was absolutely no call for him to be hiding away on an empty balcony when there was a party going on. Dorian approached, determined to lighten the mood and dispel whatever melancholy had the Inquisitor staring wistfully into the night. As he leaned against the balcony railing next to him, however, he saw how worn down Elden looked. That wouldn't do at all.

"You look lost in thought. Something on your mind?" Dorian asked.

"I'm just worn out. Tonight has been… very long."

Elden looked so tired and Dorian wouldn't stand for it, not when for once Dorian felt in his element and could actually do something for him for a change.

"You won! You saved the day. Literally, the day is saved. You should be celebrating! Enjoy yourself while you can."

Elden didn't look convinced. Dorian hesitated. Dorian wasn't used to showing affection, particularly in public. He was so used to being kept a secret, but in this moment he would do anything to make this man smile, even take another foolish risk. Besides, Dorian was a very good dancer.

"What you need is a distraction. I have just the thing." He stepped back and offered Elden his hand with a flourish. "Let's dance."

Dorian put on a show as usual, giving a charming smile he didn't completely feel. Of course Elden would refuse. He had seen the viciousness of the Game first hand tonight and really it only made sense. It was what everyone before had done after all.

Elden, however, looked at him, smiling so brightly as if he had never been happier than he was in this moment. All of the fatigue drained from him as he stood and took Dorian's hand, saying, "I was hoping you'd ask."

"Thank goodness one of us has a little initiative."

Elden was looking at him with that same affectionate smile, looking as if he was having the time of his life. He didn't once look around to see if anyone might be watching and Dorian was surprised how much that meant to him. It was overwhelming and terrifying and he could only grin back like a fool because none of it mattered when Elden looked at him that way. They were silent for a time, just moving together in time with the music, enjoying their closeness.

"I never did thank you for staying," Elden finally said. "After what happened at Haven no one would have blamed you for wanting to get as far away as possible."

"What? Leave after all of the singing and bonding? I'd never. It was all very inspirational."

Elden's smile was sincere as he replied. "Thank you none the less."  
"I told you I'd protect you, didn't I, Amatus?"

Elden pressed closer, resting his forehead against Dorian's and somehow managed an even bigger grin. "You did."

Back at Redcliffe they had only just met and even then Dorian had stepped in front of Elden to counter Alexius' spell without a second though, as if defending him was the most natural thing to do. And yes, Dorian had seen what failure meant in their subsequent visit to that future. Yes, "visit," as if it had only been a holiday. But that wasn't the only reason he had to stay with the Inquisition.

Dorian thought about Elden then, how this man had faced down a darkspawn Magister and an arch demon by himself to save them all. Yes, he was brave, but it was his compassion that Dorian respected more than anything. No one was disposable; Elden felt every death so keenly and it made Dorian want to do better, be better, and it made him proud to follow this man. How could Dorian not respect him, want to stand with him, against it all?

He didn't want Elden to have to be alone against anything ever again.

"Where in Thedas did you learn to dance?" Dorian asked. It was about time someone lightened the mood.

"My aunt," Elden replied.

"She must have quite the flair for dramatics."

"You have no idea." But then Elden looked thoughtful and added, "You would probably get along with her quite well."

"I have no doubt. But then, I get along well with almost everyone being as charming as I am."

"Do you want to know a secret?" Elden asked, lowering his voice.

"Always!" Dorian said conspiratorially.

"I nearly dropped Florianne," Elden looked rather embarrassed.

"No! How scandalous!"

"I hadn't done something like that in a long time and I kind of got carried away."

"Well, perhaps we need to keep you in practice. We can't have the Inquisitor dropping nobles on the ground. It tends to send the wrong message."

"Perhaps it would be a good idea," Elden replied, but the smile he gave Dorian gave no doubt to how much he loved that idea.

As the song ended, Dorian stepped back and bowed elegantly. He had something clever and flippant to say as he straightened but couldn't remember what it was because a moment later Elden was kissing him. Elden pulled back all too quickly, looking flustered and concerned.

"I'm sorry," he said quickly. "Was that too much? I wasn't thinking, I-"

But Dorian didn't care. All of Orlais could be watching and he didn't care. He stepped forward and pulled Elden close, kissing him hard. This time when they parted they were both out of breath. The guilt was still there along with the fear that tomorrow the rumors and disapproval would drive them apart, but Elden was smiling at him, sheepishly yes but also so fondly, so… lovingly, that Dorian didn't want to think about any of that. Yes, it was selfish, but he never claimed to be otherwise.


	11. After the Dance

I am starting to write these out of order, sorry about that! Depending on how out of order these get, I am starting to post some separately. For example, I already have one pre-romance scene up (titled In Your Head if you want to check it out!) separately since it takes place well before these and I didn't want this to get too confusing.

Thanks so much to my beta LadyMoriel for being awesome and always willing to help. You all should check out her stuff because it is great

* * *

Although he would never admit it, Dorian found himself avoiding Elden during their return journey from the Winter Palace. It was a fairly easy task considering how busy Elden was meeting with his advisors and planning their next move. Every time they stopped to camp, Elden would immediately be swept off to the tent they used for their meetings, which unfortunately left plenty of time for Dorian's imagination to run rampant. Dancing at the Winter Palace had been unwise, but kissing the Inquisitor there on the balcony? That was beyond foolish. He of all people knew that even an empty balcony didn't mean privacy. No doubt the moment they returned they would be overrun with letters and ultimatums demanding the Tevinter Mage be removed from the Inquisitor's side. He couldn't help but come up with countless scenarios outlining just how bad things could get for Elden, let alone the Inquisition as a whole.

Apparently, Dorian was making it a habit to break every rule he had for himself regarding relationships. He was determined to be more cautious, and yet once they returned to Skyhold, Dorian found himself standing on the far side of the hall staring fondly at Elden as he charmed more dignitaries Josephine was introducing him to. Staring fondly at someone across a crowded room was an incredibly foolish thing to do. When you were engaged in an illicit affair, you didn't want to make it too obvious, after all. Dorian thought he had overcome that particular tendency long ago, but with Elden he just couldn't seem to help himself. This wasn't the first time he had found himself just staring, a silly affectionate grin plastered on his face, at Elden. The man had done so much and helped so many that a lot of people looked at him with awe. Hopefully Dorian's affection could be mistaken for something similar, but he had already made things so much worse and he needed to stop. He had to get control of himself, particularly if Elden was to salvage any of his reputation.

But then Elden looked up and caught his eye. To Dorian's astonishment and horror, Elden smiled back at him. That smile was so full of affection that a few of the people in the hall actually turned to see who Elden was looking at. Dorian ducked into a hallway, hoping desperately that none of them had seen him. What was the fool thinking? Didn't he realize that this dalliance could ruin him if he didn't learn to be more careful? Skin prickling with unease, Dorian stalked off to his corner of the library. He needed to think and perhaps find something to drown himself in.

* * *

After nearly an hour of sitting (and pacing) unproductively with his thoughts, Dorian decided to confront the Inquisitor in his chambers. If this was going to happen, it was best to get it out of the way sooner rather than later. Finding the room empty, he poured himself a glass of brandy while he waited, cursing himself for how apprehensive he felt. He had been through this many times before; he didn't know why this time felt different. He had decided from the very beginning to do all he could for the Inquisitor, and making this next step easier for him was the least he could do.

He let his eyes wander the room as he waited. It was mostly spotless apart from the books littered across a side table and stacked in various corners around the room. He himself had left them here during lazy afternoons when they would do nothing more than sit in each other's company and work. For some reason he was touched that Elden had left them where they lay. Then, of course, there was Elden's desk, which was covered in notes and letters. Elden never had been very good at keeping up with all of it. Dorian couldn't help another affectionate smile. He caught himself and smothered the emotions welling within him as he reminded himself why he was here. It was best not to think about any of that. Experience told him it would hurt less. Later, back in his own room, he could drown everything with more alcohol until he stopped seeing the Inquisitor's face every time he closed his eyes.

All too soon the door creaked open and the Inquisitor hurried up the stairs. When he spotted Dorian he gave a brilliant smile, and Dorian downed the rest of his brandy, beating down the swell of emotions.

"Marvelous business, the Winter Palace," he said casually, setting his glass down as an excuse to look anywhere but at the Inquisitor. "Saving the day, reconciling lovers, mediating a civil war… so sugary, it's nauseating. All this dancing, politics, and murder makes me a bit homesick." He sighed with exaggerated wistfulness.

"That's something you'd like to do more often, then?" Elden asked as he approached.

"Watch as you twist an entire empire around your little finger? Yes, please." _Focus, Dorian. _"Of course, that leaves only Tevinter, and it wouldn't work as well there."

"No? Why not?"

"Our dances are so much more intense. If an evening lacks a murder, we sniff and call it a bore."

"Well, if you keep helping me practice my dancing I'm sure I'll be able to hold my own," the Inquisitor said, but he looked a bit uncertain as he tried to discern the meaning behind Dorian's words.

This wasn't what Dorian had wanted to talk about. He didn't want to think about how devastated the Inquisitor had looked when they found so many dead in the servant's wing and how the death toll in Tevinter would eat away at him if he ever did go. He didn't want to think of all of the mages, many of them men and women Dorian had considered friends once, who would love to get their hands on the Inquisitor—and he certainly didn't want to think about the experiments and all of the different ways a person could be kept alive long after they should have expired from loss of blood or- He shook himself slightly. No, there were other things that needed to be addressed.

"I hope you tried the ham they were serving, by the way," he said. "Tasted of despair. Fascinating. But really we should move on to more pressing matters. "

"Oh?" The Inquisitor's eyebrows furrowed, which was frankly adorable and not at all helpful. "Such as?"

"Oh, come now," he said, keeping his voice light, flippant. He was good at that. "I know you've heard the rumors. The evil Magister has the ear of the Inquisitor. No good can come of that. And after our display on that balcony I think we've gone a bit beyond that. It's amazing, really, how long we've managed without slipping up."

"Slipping up?" Elden asked, frowning. "Is that how you feel about it?"

"The pariah was always bound to tarnish the reputation of the Inquisition eventually," Dorian continued as if Elden hadn't spoken. "The smart thing would be for you to cut your losses before any more damage can be done."

The Inquisitor froze for a moment, just staring at him. Then he took a stepped forward, pulling Dorian close and wrapping his arms around him. Dorian hadn't realized it, but with Elden's arms tightly around him he could feel himself trembling. He closed his eyes, burying his face in Elden's shoulder. He wanted to memorize the feeling of him, so sure a moment like this would never happen again.

"Of course there are rumors, but no more negative ones than before," Elden said softly in his ear. "I spoke to Leliana. Their reports are actually more favorable than not. But it doesn't matter what anyone says. I'm not going to push you away. Besides, I hate to break it to you, but I've done more controversial things than being with you."

"You must be mistaken," Dorian said, voice muffled in Elden's shoulder. "What could they possibly have to talk about more interesting than me?"

It was hard to banish that fear, that part of him he thought to be so completely ingrained in him that it had simply become who he was. He was starting to think that maybe it hadn't after all. Here, wrapped in Elden's arms, he could almost believe things really would be different this time. He felt himself slipping ever further into this, whatever this was, and he knew that at this rate it wouldn't be long before he was lost completely. It was terrifying, but Elden tightened his embrace and Dorian thought maybe it wouldn't be so bad after all.

Dorian pulled away, clearing his throat and steadying his nerves. "Right, enough of that then. This brandy isn't going to finish itself. Care to join me?"

Elden smiled. "I'd love to."


	12. Sleepless

Dorian hated sharing a bed. Well, that is to say, he hated it back in Tevinter. He'd found it was usually preferable to slip away in the night, if only to avoid the awkwardness that usually came with the morning. It suited him fine. After all, he didn't exactly wish to have the opportunity to contemplate his partner asleep beside him, and any foolish ideas or emotions that might dredge up. But with Elden, it was different. Everything was different. There were no expectations, no demands made of Dorian. It was simply trust and support and comfort and Dorian had no idea what to do with any of that.

Lying together like this, with Elden's arm wrapped loosely around his waist, it was as if Elden was taking everything**-**all of the nasty rumors floating around about Dorian, about the both of them together, all of the rules Dorian had had to play by in the past, all of the games, everything**-**and casting it into the fire. They would make their own rules now, defying everything Dorian had ever known, and it was terrifying. And it was amazing.

Dorian had never really thought about the amount of trust required to sleep beside someone. And it was just sleeping, of course. Elden had made it clear he wanted to take things slow, but sharing a tent just seemed natural when forced to camp in the middle of a freezing countryside. And after the awkwardness of the first morning when Elden had somehow found his way over to cuddle against Dorian in their sleep, they just sort of let it happen. It was much warmer, after all, and Dorian couldn't deny that he had found it… pleasant.

But when it came to trust, Elden had made his feelings clear. He had jumped into this without reservation from the very beginning, lowering his guard completely so Dorian didn't have to. Elden drifted off to sleep beside him as if when they were together he hadn't a care in the world. And Dorian wanted to trust him the same way in return, this kind man, soft no matter the hardships he suffered. And Dorian wanted to believe more than anything that this truly was more, that he really could have this despite what his past had taught him.

As Dorian lay there listening to Elden's calm even breathing, he took a deep breath of his own and opened his eyes. He was still trying to get used to this, just being close to someone he cared for, sharing space with no other expectation. He knew it was dangerous to admit he enjoyed it, that he longed for it every time he glimpsed Elden's hands or his lips or, Maker, those eyes, pale green and so beautiful and full of affection. And Dorian had done more dangerous things in his life, broken more rules he had put up for himself for worse reasons. In this case, though, perhaps he could stand to break a few more.

He stared at the ceiling of the tent for a moment before allowing himself to look down at Elden where he rested against his chest. He couldn't help but study him for a long moment, feeling how perfectly Elden fitted against him, and knowing that Elden had chosen to be here like this, with him. It was terrifying, but he never wanted this to stop. He feared that any sudden movements would break the spell and all of this would come crashing down around them both. But he wanted to trust this man, if only because Elden deserved it.

If nothing else Dorian was good at indulging in the moment, leaving the rest to be dealt with when everything went wrong. _If_. After a moment he reached out and gently brushed Elden's hair out of his face, his fingers ghosting over his cheek so as not to wake him. Despite everything he found he had a ridiculous grin on his face and was glad no one was around (or awake) to witness it.


	13. Ill

Dorian felt his eyebrow twitch in annoyance as he glanced out of the library window to see the Inquisitor hurrying through the courtyard below for what must have been the eighth time today. Did that man ever stop moving? Normally Dorian found his dedication admirable, but he'd started looking unsettlingly pale recently and the cough he was developing couldn't be a good sign. This was just ridiculous. If he kept on with this pace he'd drive himself into the ground. Dorian set his book down with a decisive thwump and stormed out of his alcove, heading for the stairs.

First he had a chat with Josephine, freeing up the Inquisitor's evening to ensure that no one would come looking for him. Luckily she was understanding. Once that was taken care of, he learned that Elden had retired to his quarters. Dorian tried not to get his hopes up as he went to find him and sure enough as he reached the top of the stairs he found the Inquisitor sitting at his desk surrounded by paperwork. Elden looked exhausted, slumped forward and concentrating so hard he hadn't even noticed that he wasn't alone any longer. Dorian felt another stir of anger because it was easier than dwelling on the way his heart dropped at the sight, knowing that no matter how concerned he was there wasn't actually much Dorian could do to ease the weight of all of the responsibilities resting on Elden's shoulders.

"That's enough," Dorian snapped more harshly than he had intended. "You're going to get into that bed and you're going to stay there."

"What?" Elden asked, startled and confused. "What's going on?"

"What's going on is you've been running all over Skyhold looking like death itself for the past few days. If you collapse on the field I have half a mind to leave you where you fall. Now, come on, amatus. You're going to get a proper rest even if it kills you," Dorian said as he hauled him to his feet.

"I appreciate your concern, Dorian," Elden said, stopping him when Dorian tried to usher him towards the bed. "But it's just a cough. It'll go away in a few days but right now I have too much to do. I'm fine, really."

"You most certainly are not fine," Dorian said, exasperated, before taking a deep breath and continuing on more gently. "You're running yourself ragged. You won't be able to help anyone if you end up making yourself even more ill."

Elden sighed and leaned against him as if he suddenly had no energy left. "I don't know what to do," he whispered into Dorian's shoulder. "There are so many people counting on me, I can't–"

Dorian rested his hands on Elden's waist as he placed a kiss to his hairline. He ached seeing him like this. It was so frustrating and Dorian wanted to tell the world to sod off, consequences be damned, because was any of this worth it if it tore Elden apart in the process? But that was why Dorian was here. He wouldn't let that happen if he could help it. "Running yourself into the ground isn't going to help anyone," he said, running his fingers through Elden's hair. "Just humor me for a few hours, then if you're feeling better you can get back to it. I'll even help you."

"All right, all right," Elden said with a quiet sigh as he gave in, allowing Dorian to help him out of his jacket before he crawled into bed. He didn't really look like he had any strength left to argue.

"Have you even eaten today?" Dorian asked as he fussily pulled the blankets over him. "I'll have to get you some soup. Or perhaps some tea?"

"I'm fine," Elden said, voice muffled by the pillows.

He seemed uncomfortable with all of the attention and Dorian wanted to scoff. Elden already did too much; surely Dorian could at least offer him assistance when he was feeling unwell.

"Could you just throw another log on the fire?" Elden asked.

Dorian stopped in surprise. Now that he actually thought about it, it was surprisingly warm in here. He glanced toward the fire, but it was already burning high. "Are you cold?" he asked.

"A bit," Elden said, his eyes already closed.

"Move over, then," Dorian said with a long-suffering sigh to disguise his concern.

He climbed into bed beside Elden before pulling him close and wrapping his arms tightly around him. He kissed the top of his head again and just held him close, wishing there was more he could do.

"No, it's all right, I don't want to keep you," Elden said. "I know you have your own work to get back to."

"It can wait," Dorian replied. He didn't really want to leave Elden's side anyway.

They were silent for a time until Elden finally spoke quietly. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to worry you."

"Never mind, amatus," Dorian said, his voice gentle. "Just get well."

Sometimes Dorian was still overwhelmed by just how strongly he felt for Elden. No matter what was to come, he just wanted Elden to get through this alive. Surely that wasn't too much to ask. Dorian would stay with him no matter what was to come, aid him in any way that was in his power and bring whatever joy he could in these dark times.


	14. Cold Hands

"Mountains, cold, let's bring Dorian!" Dorian muttered darkly as he trudged through the heavy snow, lagging behind the others. His lungs ached from the cold every time he breathed and each step sunk deep into the snow. "Look at my hands, amatus," he said to Elden who had fallen back to walk beside him. "They're going to freeze like this. Someone will find my corpse come thaw and it'll still be gripping my staff. They'll have to pry it loose"

Elden smiled at him so fondly, so warmly, that Dorian forgot what he was going to say next and fell silent as they both came to a halt. Elden reached out and took one of Dorian's hands, freeing it from the staff. He rubbed it between both of his own, paying special care to his fingers. He didn't stop until the ache of the cold was completely gone. Then he placed kisses along Dorian's knuckles and palm before taking his other hand, doing the same to it.

He was so gentle, not releasing him until his hands were properly warm and when he finally met his eyes again with that same gentle smile Dorian was at a loss for words. Then Elden leaned in and placed a kiss to his nose before moving away and continuing after the others. Elden was no mage and yet somehow the places he had kissed tingled and Dorian wanted nothing more than to pull him close again and never let him go.

Dorian had been expecting none of that. He was a mage, after all, and perfectly capable of raising the temperature around him or summon up a ball of fire to warm his hands if necessary. Now, however, Dorian felt flustered and overwhelmed and more than anything disappointed at the loss of Elden's warm presence. More than just Dorian's hands felt warm. In fact, he loosened his collar slightly, sure he must be bright red from all of the attention.

As he began walking again he decided that perhaps this place wasn't so bad after all. A few minutes later he quickened his pace until he was walking beside Elden again.

"You know, amatus," he said. "I'm losing feeling in my fingers again. You're going to have to do that regularly if you expect me to cast with any sort of accuracy."

Elden laughed and took his hand, squeezing it tightly as he brought it to his lips for a brief kiss.


	15. Headache

This was from another prompt I received from tumblr: "one character fussing over the other while injured"

* * *

Dorian was fairly confident that Emprise du Lion had to be the worst place he had ever been, although that might just be because it had been a while since he'd been anywhere with sand. It did have a tendency to find its way into the most unpleasant of places. Right now, though, Dorian was cold and miserable and all of the red lyrium in the area was giving him a splitting headache and maybe sand really would have been preferable. He groaned and burrowed deeper into the bedroll and against Elden.

Suddenly, Elden lifted him slightly. Dorian groaned in protest but when he was settled into Elden's lap it was fairly comfortable. Then he felt hands running soothingly through his hair and eventually moving to massage gentle circles at his temples. Dorian sighed as some of the pressure that had been building in his skull all day finally subsided a fraction. They stayed like that for some time, Dorian nearly falling asleep, until Elden finally spoke.

"I'm sorry to drag you all the way out here."

"Nonsense," Dorian replied flippantly. "What was I supposed to do? Stay back at Skyhold and let you have all the fun?"

Truth be told he would have been beside himself with worry if he had stayed behind, hearing reports of red templars and even redder lyrium and knowing Elden was right in the middle of it. No, he much prefered it this way, even if it meant spending the entire trip with a migraine.

"I just hate constantly putting you through this," Elden whispered, his movements going still.

Finally Dorian opened his eyes. Elden was leaning over him, as if somehow he could shield him from the source of his discomfort. He looked so tired and so concerned and Dorian wanted to curse because why did this man always feel like everything was his fault? But then perhaps that was inevitable. After all, pretty much everything had been made Elden's responsibility once he was made Inquisitor. Dorian didn't want to add to it. He reached up to brush his fingers across Elden's cheek.

"I'm perfectly fine," Dorian assured him. "It's just a headache, stop worrying so much. And besides, I do believe it was my choice to come. Now stop being so melodramatic and get down here."

He grabbed the front of Elden's shirt and gave a little tug which won him a fond smile and a brief kiss as Elden leaned down even lower over him.

"I am glad you're here," Elden admitted as he resumed the massage.

"Of course you are," Dorian replied with a crooked smile. "Who wouldn't be? Now come down here so we can get some sleep."

Elden gave in and laid back down beside him. Dorian wrapped him tightly in his arms, placing a kiss to his temple as if to thank him for his actions earlier. Dorian couldn't help but wonder not for the first time how they had ended up together like this. Elden was so kind, so wonderful, and Dorian had long since given in to the knowledge that he would do anything for him.


	16. Despair

I was given the prompt "reacting to the other crying" over on tumblr (daihell) and this is the result. By the way, I'm always open to prompts or suggestions if there's anything you guys want to see!

* * *

Dorian woke up feeling cold. That wasn't exactly something he experienced often since he'd started sleeping in the Inquisitor's bed. Normally Elden had no sense of personal space and somehow managed to wrap himself around Dorian while they slept. Despite any complaints he had made in the past, Dorian actually quite enjoyed it. Now, however, the familiar weight of Elden pressed up against him was missing and Dorian was surprised by how disappointed he was at the absence. As he wondered where Elden could have gone, a strangled intake of breath startled him out of his thoughts. He rolled over to see Elden sitting up against the headboard, face in his hands.

"Elden?" Dorian asked groggily, trying to focus through the haze of sleep.

"Sorry," Elden said quickly as he turned away, wiping a hand across his face. "Did I wake you?"

"What is it?" Dorian asked, wishing more than anything that he would look at him.

"Nothing. It's all right, go back to sleep," Elden said quickly. "I'm just gonna get some water."

"Wait," Dorian said, reaching out and taking his arm before he could go.

Elden looked at him in surprise and Dorian could see the redness of his eyes and the pain there and it broke his heart. He didn't want Elden to go. He didn't want him to be alone. Elden had gone through so much, carrying the world on his shoulders. Failure wasn't an option, they both knew that more than anyone, but it was Elden who all this rested on. Dorian wished desperately that he could take some of that weight for him, ease some of the pain, but he didn't know how. Dorian never knew what to do in moments like these.

He sat up and wrapped his arms around him and Elden all but collapsed against him, burying his face in Dorian's chest, clinging to him. Dorian just held him as he felt Elden shudder against him, wracked by silent sobs. Dorian felt so useless, his chest aching at the thought of everything Elden suffered. Even when Elden finally stilled Dorian just held him close, placing soft kisses to his temple wishing he had any idea how he could help.

"I'm sorry," Elden said with a shaky laugh after a long silence. "How embarrassing of me."

"No," Dorian said quickly. It was strange. Of course he didn't want Elden to cry, ever, and he ached with the pain he must be feeling, but somehow Dorian felt… relieved, he supposed, that Elden was able to aroud him. He didn't want him to be embarrassed. Dorian wanted to share everything with him, even this. True he wasn't really much use but at least if he knew Elden was upset he could try to help. "Don't. Please don't apologize."

Elden took an unsteady breath before speaking again. "I don't know if I can do this," Elden said miserably. "I'm so afraid."

"I know, amatus," Dorian whispered.

Elden closed his eyes as Dorian reached up, letting his fingers ghost over his cheek. Elden had never really been given a choice in all this, had he? It was all just heaped upon his shoulders and it was slowly crushing him. Dorian had decided from the very beginning that he would do anything in his power to support Elden, but he wasn't even sure any of this could even help and he hated it. Was there anything he even could say that wouldn't sound disingenuous? Honestly before all this Dorian would have never thought the day would come when words would fail him and yet when it came to Elden, he found it happened more often than he would like. Dorian had to at least try, though. Unfortunately he wasn't exactly good at dealing with anything unless there was alcohol involved and he knew that wouldn't help Elden.

"I know," Dorian whispered again. "You're doing fine, amatus. We'll get through this."

He knew all too well that it wasn't enough. Words were easy but that made them hard to believe and there was no way for them to truly convey the emotions Dorian felt. Besides, that last statement was most likely a lie. The likelihood of any of them getting out of this was slim to none. If there was a chance, however, Dorian would do anything in his power to make sure Elden made it through this alive. After everything he of all people deserved to find some sort of happiness. He just held Elden tightly against him, trying not to think of what was to come as he ran his fingers through Elden's hair.


	17. Scars

Sleep eluded Dorian as he lay there in the Inquisitor's bed, his eyes drawn to the man asleep beside him. The room was tolerably warm for once, and Elden's chest was bare, the blankets pooling around his waist. While Dorian would have usually enjoyed the view, at the moment his preoccupied mind focused on Elden's scars, evidence of all of the pain he had taken on himself to protect others. Dorian was so proud of him, even if his own heart ached at the thought of everything he had endured.

Dorian reached out, following the lines and indentations across his chest with gentle fingers. He traced along the gash left by a blade but stopped as he reached the next scar, hesitating over the long-since-healed puncture wound all too close to Elden's heart, and Dorian shivered. He left his hand over Elden's heart, just feeling the reassuring and steady rhythm and the even rise and fall of his chest.

Elden was a Champion. He stood before all of them, taking the punishment so that no one else would. Even as Inquisitor, it wasn't that he had a desire to lead so much as that he didn't want anyone else to have to suffer the burden. Dorian's blood ran cold as he recalled the number of times Elden had come so close to death since they had met. Each day more scars were carved into the Inquisitor's flesh and if this was the price for saving the world Dorian wasn't sure it was worth it. And these were just the physical scars.

As if on cue, Elden stirred restlessly, no doubt from nightmares, and Dorian wrapped himself securely around him, holding him close. Elden's sleep was often disturbed by nightmares. They all had them, of course. It honestly would have been more surprising if any of them didn't. Still, it was one more cruelty thrown upon this man and it wasn't fair when Elden represented everything still good in this world. A cruel way to repay the man who had sacrificed everything for them all.

It wasn't right. Elden deserved so much better than all this agony. Dorian leaned down and kissed him gently on the forehead. Elden murmured something in response and snuggled closer. Dorian hoped he wasn't holding him too tightly. He didn't know what the future would bring, but all he knew was that he couldn't lose Elden. It was inevitable, of course it was, but he just couldn't. It just too painful and he closed his eyes tightly. He opened them again when he felt Elden reach up, taking Dorian's hand in his own and pressing it to his lips.

"You okay?" Elden asked sleepily.

"Yes, amatus," Dorian replied as Elden leaned up to kiss him softly.

Whatever Dorian thought he would find here in the south, this, this softness and affection, certainly wasn't it. He had found this impossible man, so kind and strong, and somehow through it all Dorian cared and was cared for in return and sometimes it was still so hard to believe that this was happening. But then he would catch how Elden seemed to light up in that dreadfully embarrassing way he did whenever he looked at him, and Dorian couldn't help but know he felt the same. It was overwhelming and terrifying and just made Dorian want to hold him all the tighter.

Somehow Dorian had found himself here with this man and, no matter what was waiting for them, he wasn't going to lose Elden without a fight. Their situation should have been hopeless but somehow Dorian just found himself more determined than ever. It was hard not to have at least some hope as Elden smiled up at him like that before kissing him again and holding him close.


	18. Preparation

Dorian was certainly not skulking around the Inquisitor's tent. He just happened to be nearby for unrelated reasons when he heard the very un-Herald-like cursing from within accompanied by the clatter of metal. The tent flap was open slightly and by shifting around he was able to glimpse Elden inside attempting to strap on his armor but he seemed to be largely failing due to his trembling hands. Well that wasn't a good sign. Dorian hadn't wanted to interrupt Elden, Maker knew the man had enough on his mind preparing for their advance in the Arbor Wilds without Dorian distracting him. He had just wanted to see how the man was getting on and since the answer to that was apparently not great, he would have to intervene. Besides, now he kind of was skulking, spying on the Inquisitor dressing in his tent, so he had to go in or risk his image.

Dorian straightened his robes and strode confidently in, head held high. He was determined to do what he could for the Inquisitor. Levity: that was what this situation needed. Perhaps a distraction was exactly what Elded needed after all, something else to occupy his thoughts. At least, that was how Dorian preferred to deal with things.

"I saw Empress Celene a moment ago. You will have to tell me how you got her to come all the way out here herself some time."

Elden smiled at him, looking a bit relieved to see him. That was good at least. When Elden failed again to attach the straps on his breastplate, Dorian swatted his hands aside and fastened it for him.

"Great," Elden said with a laugh full of nerves and disgust. "What good is a warrior who can't even put on his own armor?"

"I've seen you with your shield, you hardly need it," Dorian said, deft fingers working quickly, resting here and there in a way he hoped was calming as he helped him with the rest of his armor. When he finished he took Elden's hands in his, squeezing them slightly before releasing them.

"Did you know before all this I hadn't even picked up a sword since I was practically a child?" Elden said almost desperately. "It was a game to me then, pretending I was bigger than I am."

"I hate to break it to you," Dorian said, eyeing Elden's broad shoulders. "But you aren't exactly small. That must not have taken much work."

"You know what I mean," Elden said rolling his eyes but Dorian was pleased to see a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. It vanished all too quickly however.

"Inquisitor!" a soldier called from outside.

Dorian was surprised by the change in Elden. He stood at attention, his hands clasped behind his back, perhaps to hide the trembling, and he even smiled at the soldier as she entered and saluted.

"We're ready when you are, sir," she said.

"Thank you," he said.

Elden didn't relax again until the soldier had left. He sagged a little and Dorian could see how tired the man was. It wasn't until now that Dorian realized just how often Elden hid his true feelings. Yes, he was always kind and honest, but the strain all of this had on him was taking its toll and Dorian was one of the few people he let in enough to see.

"What am I doing?" Elden said, looking down at his hands. "This could be it; the final battle. More people are going to die. How can they put their trust in me of all people? I'm no one."

"Well, someone's got to lead," Dorian said flippantly.

Elden didn't even look up.

"It doesn't matter, really," Dorian continued, brushing his fingers against Elden's cheek. "This is just as much of a game now as it was when you were younger. Just pretend to be confident. If you can do that, they'll be confident too. You've been doing fine so far. Besides, you won't be doing this alone. I'll be there, and I'm practically a one man army as is."

Elden let out a shaky breath and leaned into him. "Are you at all capable of being serious?"

"I am always serious!" Dorian said in mock affront.

"Dorian, please."

"Very well, but we will be continuing this conversation later," Dorian said seriously. "I can't believe you would doubt my abilities so."

Elden chuckled despite himself. After a moment he took a deep breath. "It's just," he began, "Knowing that all of my decisions are shaping the Inquisition regardless of what everyone else wants. Cassandra seemed so angry when I welcomed the mages as allies. I'm not sure any one person should have that much power."

"Why did you make that decision?"

"They have been through enough. They deserve the chance."

"And that's why you need to be the one to lead," Dorian said seriously.

Elden looked up at him, surprised.

"Without you, the Inquisition would be a very different beast. It would be easy to simply take what you want, but instead you try to do as much good as possible and that is why we need you. But enough of this. You've been with your advisors almost constantly and I haven't been kissed in far too long. I suggest you take care of that before we head off to battle."

"How terrible of me to let that happen," Elden said, pulling Dorian close.


	19. Victory

Sure they were celebrating saving the world but all Dorian did was watch Elden. There were so many things he never thought he'd have a chance to say but when he finally managed to sequester the Inquisitor away in his quarters he couldn't remember any of them. He was just so relieved that Elden was alive and he could hardly believe they were standing here together. They had done the impossible and he was fairly certain he had never been happier.

Dorian desperately wanted to share everything with Elden, but no words would ever be adequate. The only word that came close tore at the back of this throat, unwilling to be said. It was never something he could have, never something he would share with another man. But maybe that was a lie. Maybe this really was possible because Elden was smiling at him and the look in his eyes made Dorian's heart swell.

He wanted to tell Elden all this, but instead said, "Two things in private first. You are incredibly dull and I hate you."

But Elden smiled at him and it was so obvious that he knew exactly what he had wanted to say. He always seemed to know. It was rather infuriating. "And the second thing?" Elden asked as he moved to the balcony, closing his eyes as the cool evening breeze ruffled his hair.

Dorian followed, wrapping his arms around him from behind. It was such a relief to feel him in his arms, his warmth proof that he was still alive, that this was real. It felt like he had been wanting to do this for days, not hours. It had taken all of his self control not to grab the man and kiss him there in front of everyone on the battlefield. Or to drag him away in the middle of his party.

"I hope this ends soon," he said, hoping Elden could still read the truth in his lies.

Apparently he could because he replied, "Me too," in a quiet voice as he took Dorian's hand in his and brought it up to his lips for a brief kiss. They stayed like that for a time, just watching the setting sun, knowing that at least for the moment everything was right. Neither of them knew what tomorrow would bring but it didn't matter because they would face it together.


	20. I love you

Dorian had never felt more content as he lay there with Elden, the warm early-morning sunlight spilling over them. The war with Corypheus was over and while he knew that there was still much to be done, for the moment they could put it aside, wrap themselves up in each other's arms and just rest. There was no one waiting for them and no pressing matters that needed tending to. He curled against Elden a little more securely, arm draped around his waist as he nuzzled against his neck. Elden ran his fingers through Dorian's hair and they simply enjoyed a rare lazy morning together.

"I love you."

Elden whispered the words so casually that for a moment Dorian didn't really register the weight of them. When he finally did, he froze, sure he had misheard, but he could feel Elden's heart pounding in his chest where he was pressed against him and it matched his own. Elden's arms loosened slightly, perhaps to allow Dorian an easy escape or perhaps to feign sleep. Either way they were both silent for a long moment.

Love. Dorian had been taught for so long that it was foolish and childish and above all dangerous but none of that mattered because it would forever be out of his grasp because of who he was, and yet... None of that seemed true when he was with Elden. He had always thought love would be something huge, something so earth-shattering that to admit to it would destroy him. Instead it felt natural and familiar and just so _right_. It didn't change anything because it had already been true for some time even if he hadn't really realized that was what it was.

Dorian realized that he had been quiet for too long, but apparently Elden had decided that he wasn't going to bolt because he leaned down and kissed him tenderly on the forehead, whispering, "I do. I love you. I think I've been in love with you since we confronted Alexius. He was your friend but you stood against him because it was the right thing to do. You didn't even know me then but you still put yourself in danger to protect me and all those Alexius was going to hurt. My respect for you and your bravery has only grown since then."

"Maker, you're getting soppy again," Dorian finally managed.

He wanted to say it back. He wanted to so badly, because of course he loved him too. How could he not? He'd known Elden loved him and he'd loved him back just as much even if it he'd danced around the word for the longest time, desperately convincing himself that it simply couldn't be. But it was true, and Dorian wasn't sure anything had ever been so true before.

"I know," Elden said, squeezing him gently in his arms. "And I'm not telling you this so you'll say it back. I just need you to know. I've wanted to tell you for so long, but I didn't want you to think it was just because of Corypheus or because I needed your support with the Inquisition. I love you, always." He shook his head with a rueful little laugh. "I'm sorry, I'm overthinking everything again. Are you hungry? Because I'm hungry."

He pulled away, to Dorian's disappointment. As Elden went about gathering up his clothing, Dorian watched him and couldn't help but smile. He knew everything was going to change now that the threat was gone, but one thing Dorian did know was that he wanted to be beside Elden through it all—if for no other reason than to make sure that, after everything, Elden would always be able to smile this easily.

"I love you." He expected the worlds to be unbearably heavy, but they slipped out of Dorian's mouth easily before he could stop himself, and for once he didn't want to take them back. He had learned long ago that those words could be his undoing and part of him was still waiting for the weight of all of this to break him. But it hadn't yet, so why not do what he did best and indulge?

Elden stood and just stared at him in surprise before saying quickly, "You don't have to-"

"I know," Dorian interrupted, frustrated with himself as he felt the heat rising to his face. "I just thought you should know."

Elden grinned as he returned to sit on the edge of the bed. "I do though. Every time you say my name or call me amatus. How could I not?" He reached out and gently cupped Dorian's cheek, thumb rubbing against the laugh lines at the corner of Dorian's eye. Dorian pulled him back down with him and kissed him, drawing him back to bed.

"I thought you were going to go get breakfast?" Dorian asked between kisses.

"I'm not that hungry after all," Elden said, taking Dorian's hand in his as he pulled him close. "I hope you don't mind. I'm probably going to be reminding you that I love you a lot."

"Maker, you are disgustingly sentimental."

"And you sound surprised every time. Surely you know that by now."

"I suppose I do. It's a burden, but I'll just have to put up with."

Dorian couldn't help but reflect on how he had felt during his trip south as he fled Tevinter. He had just lost everything and thought the best he could hope for here would be martyrdom. Instead he had found everything he had ever wanted. All of this felt both unreal and much too real at the same time. No doubt they would be overwhelmed with more dangers soon, but it would all be worth it. For now, he loved and was loved in return, and he had never been happier.


	21. The Inquisitor's Legacy

Dorian sat by the campfire eating breakfast with Varric. Now that the business with Inquisitor Ameridan and Hakkon and all that had been concluded, they were taking their return journey to Skyhold more leisurely. Nearby Elden and Cassandra were sparing and Dorian couldn't help but smile fondly as he watched. Elden was good at playing the part, at being the Champion and the Inquisitor, inspiring and leading them all to victory even when there should be no hope of winning. And Dorian was afraid that this was all history would remember.

All of that was important, yes, but they were the traits of the Inquisitor. When Dorian thought of Elden he would think of his kindness, how he had grieved for the Tranquil killed by the Venitori or the servants killed at the Winter Palace, and how he behaved with his friends. Dorian would think of times like this. They were all tired, barely awake in the early hours of the morning, and yet even now Elden was pushing himself to improve. He laughed easily, smiled easily, and put the comfort and safety of his friends above his own.

Dorian couldn't help but wonder what history would cut away. Would Elden even be recognizable as the man Dorian loved? Elden brushed off such concerns, claiming that the important parts were the changes they could implement. If history didn't remember him, he wouldn't mind. But look at what happened to Ameridan. No one remembered he was a mage let alone an elf, and look what happened to the Dales because of it. Of course, Elden was neither an elf nor a mage, but that would just make it easier for history to erase the bits they deemed unsavory.

Dorian glanced over at Varric. Perhaps it was time he made sure at least one accurate account of the Herald of Andraste existed.

"Tell me Varric," Dorian said, leaning in conspiratorially. "How eager are you to write another infamous account of a hero?"

"Are we talking about the Inquisitor? Because I hadn't really decided if it would be a good idea."

"What if agreed to tell you all the really good bits?"

That got Varric's attention. Who knows, maybe this wouldn't do any good. And maybe it would see them all ruined, but he had to try. Elden deserved that much, for how much he has sacrificed and what was still to come.

"What do you think you're doing?" Elden asked as he and Cassandra concluded their sparring and returned to camp.

"Just trying to figure out how Varric will portray you on the cover of the book he's going to write about you."

"He better not! People already think of me as some sort of fictional hero, how am I supposed to be at all relatable if I actually become one?"

"You're bound to appear in a novel eventually. I imagine hundreds are already being written as we speak. I imagine you will pass into legend while you're still alive." Elden dropped down beside Dorian, hiding his face against his shoulder and groaning theatrically. "Sorry amatus, that's the price of saving the world," Dorian said, patting his shoulder.

Elden gazed into the fire for a time. When he finally spoke, his voice was much too serious. Dorian didn't like it at all.

"Whatever you do, don't let them forget who I supported and why," Elden said grimly. "Don't let them use me to do more harm."

"You can do it yourself," Dorian said, uncomfortable with the implication that Elden didn't expect to get out of this alive.

"If they could completely erase everything that made Ameridan who he was," Elden continued. "I don't want to know how utterly they could twist my legacy. I'd rather die a heretic."

"Don't worry," Varric said. "There's still plenty of time for you to attain heretic status."

"Have you all forgotten the evil magister at the Herald's side?" Dorian asked, wrapping his arm securely around Elden. "I don't think you have anything to worry about. It won't be long until my corrupting influence is known by all."

"Well that's a relief," Elden said, kissing his cheek.

Chances were good that they would all die before this was over. All the more reason to make sure Varric had a good start on that book. Ameridan had said that everything would be stripped from the Inquisitor in the end. Dorian would do everything in his power to make sure that didn't happen.


	22. Morning Routine

Dorian woke when he felt movement beside him. Squinting against the early morning light he turned to see Elden climbing out of bed. Dorian took a moment to appreciate the man as he stretched, flexing the muscles in his back, before Dorian rolled back over and closed his eyes, listening as Elden went about preparing for the day as quietly as he could. It was a surprisingly pleasant routine, although Dorian did prefer it when Elden curled up against him so they could spend the morning together, waiting to rise at a more reasonable hour.

Before leaving, Elden came around to the other side of the bed, leaning down to place a gentle kiss at Dorian's temple with a whispered, "I love you."

"Why do you always insist on abandoning me to the cold at this ridiculously early hour?" Dorian groaned and felt the gentle puff of breath against his hair as Elden chuckled in response.

"You could always come on my run with me," Elden said, running his fingers affectionately through Dorian's hair. "Cassandra's coming too."

Dorian cracked an eye open and fixed him with what he hoped was an intimidating glare as Elden dropped onto the bench to pull on his boots. "When have I ever wanted to go run about pointlessly in the freezing cold? On a mountain no less."

"Okay okay," Elden said, smiling. "I'll see you at breakfast then, love."

"Maybe," Dorian grumbled as he buried his face in the pillow.

He listened to Elden's footsteps as they faded down the stairs and found himself grinning into his pillow. He wasn't sure when it had started but he found himself doing it often, grinning off into the distance like a fool. Somehow he didn't mind though. He didn't think he'd ever been this happy.


	23. Mornings

Dorian hated mornings. If he had his way, he'd sleep well past them before he even thought of rising. Lately, though, he was finding things to enjoy about them. Like waking to the feel of Elden running a hand through his hair or placing a kiss to his temple. And the sight of Elden pressed against his side, so warm and sleepy and perfect, always made it well worth opening his eyes despite the painfully bright sunlight streaming in through the window.

Elden was leaning over him now, smiling that dopey grin of his, hair sticking up comically on one side where it had been pressed into the pillow, and Dorian couldn't help but smile. Elden pressed closer, kissing his lips him gently, and Dorian couldn't help but marvel at all of this. He never thought he'd ever feel this way, this contentment and joy and love. He had found this amazing, wonderful, aggravating man and he couldn't be happier.

When Elden pulled away again, Dorian looked up at him with a smile. He was gripped with a sudden urge and he couldn't help but reach up to run a hand through Elden's messy hair. Dorian wasn't trying to fix it or smooth it down, it was already perfect and adorable and instead he encouraged it, sticking it up haphazardly. He loved seeing Elden like this. Everything about him was a marvel. The lengths of his kindness never ceased to amaze Dorian and he wouldn't want to change a single thing about him.

Elden tried to glare at him as Dorian continued to ruffle his hair, but the grin he was wearing gave him away. He pressed against him, half lying on his chest although careful not to crush, a comfortable weight, and Dorian felt warm and content.

"Are you done making a mess of my hair?" Elden asked, trying not to laugh.

"Not quite," Dorian replied as he began brushing it forward. "And it was already a mess so I couldn't possibly do any harm." He loved the feel of it, the soft, slightly curly, strands slipping through his fingers.

"Well, then, it's only fair I return the favor," Elden said as he began running his own hand through Dorian's hair, although it didn't take long before he was distractedly brushing it back out of his face, rubbing his fingers gently against Dorian's forehead and cheek almost wistfully. "It isn't fair. It's impossible for you to look anything but perfect. Ruffled hair just looks intentional on you."

"Well of course," Dorian replied. "That's because I'm always perfect."

He tangled his fingers in Elden's hair and pulled him down for a kiss, closing his eyes as they both melted into each other. Dorian didn't mind mornings if this was what he had to look forward to.


	24. You don't have to go

Elden woke to the feeling of someone else moving on the bed beside him. It wasn't an altogether unfamiliar feeling, but still, he and Dorian rarely shared a bed here in Skyhold. Sure, they always shared a tent, waking up in each other's arms more often than not even when they weren't sharing a bedroll, but here in Skyhold Dorian usually insisted on sleeping in his own quarters. Elden couldn't help but be disappointed by that, but respected Dorian's wishes, knowing he was still likely concerned about rumors.

Besides, he'd left Dorian in the library where he seemed to be settled in for an all-nighter, so Elden was understandably surprised to find someone else here. And, sure enough, when Elden rolled over it was to see a form lying beside him, although it was too dark to make out much more.

"Dorian?" he called, because really who else could it be?

"Mm," came the groggy reply, definitely Dorian and no doubt annoyed at being woken up.

"What are you doing here?" Elden couldn't help but ask, still half asleep himself. Perhaps Dorian had actually listened when Elden had asked him to try to get at least some sleep?

"What?" His words seemed to startle Dorian and he sat up with a jerk. "Oh, sorry," he added, his voice flat as he turned to roll out of bed.

"Wait, you don't have to go," Elden said quickly, desperately catching his hand and pulling him back. He hadn't meant for it to come out like that and he was horrified by the implication.

"You want me to stay?" Elden still couldn't see his face but the disbelief in Dorian's voice broke his heart.

"Yeah, sorry, I was just surprised, I don't remember you coming in," Elden said, and as Dorian laid back down Elden curled tightly against him until Dorian's chin rested against the top of his head. He could feel Dorian's heart pounding in his chest and Elden placed a kiss there, just hoping to reassure, to comfort. "I'm glad you're here," he whispered.

He knew how hard this all must be for Dorian after everything he had been through in Tevinter. He was forced to learn not to care too much and Elden could only imagine the amount of courage it took just to be here with him now, to unlearn so many painful lessons. It was so incredibly brave of Dorian. How many times had he been forced to sneak out of another man's room before the sun had even risen? To sneak around and deny his feelings?

Elden never wanted him to feel that way again, especially with him. Elden clung to him all the tighter, just as determined as ever to do everything in his power to reassure him, to show Dorian how much he cared, how much this meant to him. How proud Elden was of him.

Elden could feel sleep pulling at him again already but he pushed it away, forcing himself to stay awake, just to whisper reassurances and affection, his hand stroking soothing circles on his back, until Dorian finally relaxed against him. Before Elden finally drifted off again he felt Dorian's arms slowly wrap around him as well.


	25. I'm glad you're here

The day had felt particularly long, barely allowing Elden a moment's rest since he had woken up that morning. It wasn't until well into the evening that he was finally able to retire, completely exhausted.

He climbed the stairs in his quarters slowly, unbuttoning his jacket with a tired sigh. He stopped in surprise when he finally reached the top, pleased to see that Dorian was already there, lying across the couch completely absorbed in a book. Elden felt a pang of guilt at the realization that he hadn't seen Dorian all day.

He moved to the couch, lifting Dorian's legs so he could sit down, then placed Dorian's feet in his lap. He rubbed at them absently and Dorian murmured in appreciation, too caught up in his book to manage much more and Elden couldn't help but smile.

He loved it when he caught Dorian like this, so focused as his eyes skimmed across the page, sometimes mouthing along silently with the words, other times muttering quietly under his breath. He was stroking his thumb absently across his chin, his brow furrowed in concentration with that crease across his forehead.

Dorian clucked his tongue in a derisive manner as he turned the page, no doubt disagreeing with the text. Even his sarcasm was endearing and Elden was overwhelmed with how fond he was of him. Just being together like this was so simple and yet seeing Dorian like this, more himself than ever with his guard completely down; Elden was so touched to be able to share in this.

Elden leaned across the couch to place a kiss to his forehead causing Dorian to finally look up from his book to raise an eyebrow at him.

"Can I help you?" he asked, smile pulling at the corner of his lips.

"I'm glad you're here," was all Elden said.

Dorian kissed him before moving over. They readjusted on the narrow couch so they could both lay together, Dorian half on top of him before he went back to reading. Like this, Elden could feel the vibrations of every sound he made where they were pressed together.

Elden closed his eyes, still smiling as sleep claimed him.


	26. First Kiss

"I don't know if you're aware, but the assumption in some corners is that you and I are… intimate."

It was odd to see Dorian so hesitant. He was usually so confident, particularly when talking to Elden. And he flirted nearly constantly, so why was this any different? Was he more worried about the gossip than he had let on? Or was he worried about how Elden might take this news? They had grown close and Elden had hoped they were friends. Surely Dorian didn't think he'd be offended by the implication. Quite the opposite, Elden was flattered.

"That's not the worst assumption the could have, is it?" Elden replied. Normally he would be bright red at this point. He had never been very good at banter and Dorian was always able to throw him so quickly, but he would do anything to lighten the mood for Dorian.

"I don't know. Is it?" Dorian countered, as smooth as ever and Elden felt slightly better.

"Do you always answer a question with a question?"

"Would you like me to answer in some other fashion?"

"If you're capable," Elden said with a slight laugh. Somehow, even with his teasing, it was so easy to talk to Dorian. And Dorian was smiling again, no longer tense from their conversation with Mother Giselle. He'd do his best to keep up with Dorian's teasing if it meant earning that smile.

Then suddenly Dorian stepped closer and kissed him and all thought left Elden's mind. It was a chaste kiss, simply a press of lips, but Elden was quite certain he had never felt anything so wonderful. He lost himself, simply melting into the gentle touch, forgetting to be nervous for once. When Dorian pulled back slightly Elden realized that one of Dorian's hands was resting on his waist while the other held his hand, fingers twining together, and Elden was intensely grateful for the sustained contact. He never wanted him to let go and he simply reveled in their closeness, overwhelmed and barely able to believe that this was actually happening. He was so caught up in the moment that he didn't even realize that his eyes were still closed until Dorian spoke.

"'If you're capable.' The nonsense you speak."

There was an intense fondness in Dorian's eyes and Elden felt weak, like his legs might give out on him. But there was an uncertainty there as well, so raw and vulnerable and Elden's heart twisted painfully at the sight.

"You realize this makes the rumors somewhat true?" Elden said, again seeking desperately to lighten the mood and bring that smile back.

"Evidently," Dorian said and to Elden's relief his usual confident smile was back. "We might have to explore the full truth of them later. In private."

As Dorian pulled away, Elden couldn't help but miss his warmth. Even though they had only known each other for a few months, feeling him so close had felt like home, like safety. He was rooted to the spot as he watched Dorian leave, overwhelmed and barely able to believe that any of this was happening. He hadn't dared to hope for any of this, it was all just too good to be true.

Eventually Elden managed to get his legs moving again. He descended the stairs, steps light and a dazed smile plastered on his face. It wasn't until he reached the exit to the rotunda that realization struck him. He was a bit out of practice with all of this, what if he'd made a fool of himself? What had he done with his hands? Had they just been dangling awkwardly? And, Maker, what if he wasn't actually any good at kissing? He groaned. Maybe he could talk Cassandra into sparring with him so he could stop agonizing over this. Still, the memory of the kiss, of Dorian's warmth and that beautiful smile tugging at those perfect lips wouldn't leave him any time soon.


	27. Missing you

He wasn't sure when, but at some point going to the Inquisitor's room, to Elden's room, at the end of the day had just become habit. Dorian didn't even think about it, didn't even realize, until he reached the top of the stairs and found himself standing in the dark room and staring at the empty bed. There wasn't even a fire going but Dorian wasn't certain the involuntary shiver that ran through him was from the chill alone. It was ridiculous. He knew the Inquisitor was only away on a mission, he would return by the end of the week, but having him gone like this for so long–**  
**

It was aggravating. Every time his thoughts strayed they always went back to Elden. He wasn't alone, he would be safe, and yet Dorian couldn't help but worry. If he let his thoughts wander long enough he always managed to come up with ever worse fates Elden could meet and there was nothing Dorian could do to help him.

He stared at the empty bed for a long time, unable to pull his gaze away. It just seemed so wrong. Usually Elden would still be up waiting for him, book in hand and candle lit on the bedside table. Now it was all dark and It was unsettling not even seeing a lump under the blankets where he usually slept. Truth be told Dorian had been avoiding this room since Elden had left. Sure, it was depressing returning to his tiny barely-used quarters near the library, but it was better than seeing this room so empty and without life.

He thought about leaving and returning to his own room as usual, but Dorian was gripped with such an overwhelming sense of longing that he couldn't bring himself to go. He missed Elden so much it hurt more than Dorian thought possible. He sat on Elden's side of the bed, lighting the fireplace with flick of his wrist. He touched the pillow, not really sure what he was doing. He shivered again and climbed under the blankets, pulling them tightly around himself.

It smelled like home and comfort and safety. It smelled like Elden. Dorian hurried and buried his face in the pillow, feeling so foolish and wondering how he had fallen so badly when he'd told himself time and time again how unwise this all was. And yet here he was, sleeping in another man's empty bed and longing for him to return, counting down the days until he could finally touch Elden again, hold him tightly and feel his warmth, kiss him until they both ran out of air. He couldn't help but wonder if Elden felt the same.

Doubtful. Dorian was never that lucky.

He hadn't meant to fall asleep here. He'd intended to return to his own quarters but he just couldn't bring himself to leave, not when he was engulfed here by the memories of Elden.

* * *

Dorian woke to the feel of someone running their fingers through his hair. His first thought was of Elden, but of course he was gone. Annoyed, he readied a spell just in case as he cracked open an eye to see who had disturbed him in such an intimate way, but froze. It really was Elden. He was sitting on the edge of the bed leaning over him, covered in dust, sweaty and with his hair sticking out at odd angles. Helmet hair, Dorian thought. He wondered if Elden had come looking for him straight away but of course he remembered he was in Elden's room, not his own.

Well. This was awkward. Sure, he had spent more nights here than not as of late, but this still felt intrusive. A half-formed protest or an explanation, he wasn't really sure which, was about to come tumbling out but Elden spoke before he could get his mouth working.

"I've been looking everywhere for you," he said and Dorian felt light-headed and stunned in disbelief. "You weren't in your room or the library; I was beginning to get worried."

"You've– been looking?" Dorian repeated, his mind having trouble keeping up, sluggish from sleep as well as surprise. "What are you even doing here? I thought you weren't due back 'til the end of the week."

"We may have rushed a bit," Elden said sheepishly, an adorable blush creeping into his cheeks and Dorian berated himself for being distracted by it. "I missed you."

And then Dorian was kissing him. He didn't even think about it. He just pulled Elden close, overwhelmed with affection and relief and so much more that he'd rather not think about right at this moment. All that mattered was that Elden was here and that Dorian had been missed. Perhaps as much as Dorian had missed him. He feared it all might be a dream, too good to be true.

Suddenly Elden was pulling back and Dorian tried to mask his disappointment.

"Sorry," Elden said, chuckling a bit. "I am covered in dirt. Probably some blood too. Not my own, don't worry. Just give me a second to get cleaned up."

"Ugh, yes, you really are a mess," Dorian said although truth be told he didn't particularly care at the moment.

"Don't go anywhere," Elden said as he quickly removed his armor and headed for the wash room. "I'll be right back."

Dorian watched him go, feeling a swell of affection as Elden tripped over himself slightly in his haste. This was really happening. This man was his and Dorian could hardly believe how happy he was. He reminded himself that there was still a war going on and no doubt this would all end in tragedy, but perhaps for the moment he could put that aside.

He just wanted to focus on this moment, on Elden and everything he had with this man. Dorian had been told his entire life that he would never have this, this closeness and affection, someone like Elden, and yet here he was. And Dorian still found himself constantly fearing for the worst. But then Elden would smile at him, like he was now as he returned from the other room, and his expression said more than words ever could and Dorian knew the depths of everything he felt for him. It was overwhelming and terrifying and perfect and all Dorian could do was pull him close and kiss him, hoping Elden knew that he felt the same.


	28. Reprieve

Dorian dreaded any moment spent out in nature. Their seemingly never ending treks across the countryside were absolutely miserable and every time he slept in a tent it somehow managed to be even more uncomfortable than the last. Still, he had to admit, however grudgingly, that there were a few things that made it all worthwhile.

Once camp had been set, the Inquisitor had taken to inviting Dorian on walks or to watch the sunset. More time trudging through the mud on his sore feet wasn't exactly how he wished to spend his evenings, but Elden looked so eager there was no way he could refuse. Then again, it wasn't like he was going to refuse an excuse to spend a moment alone with the Inquisitor. At least they never went far.

They were supposed to be looking at the scenery, but they seemed to be doing less and less of that as of late. Tonight neither of them even saw the moment the sun dipped below the horizon. The Inquisitor was looking at him and, Maker, how could one glance hold such depths of emotion? It took Dorian's breath away. It was terrifying how open Elden was with his affection; it was written in everything he did. He felt so much and, as overwhelming as it was, Dorian couldn't look away. He didn't want to.

When a tentative hand came up to brush along his cheek Dorian couldn't help but smile. He took Elden's hand in his, squeezing it gently. His eyes fell closed as Elden leaned forward to place a kiss to his forehead, then his nose. The gesture was so tender Dorian felt like he was off balance. He didn't know how to match that level of emotion, that depth that Dorian wasn't even sure he possessed, so instead he took Elden's face in his hands as he kissed him deeply.

Dorian was so used to being guarded, but when it was just the two of them, it was getting easier. At first Dorian had felt suffocated, like he might drown in everything Elden was offering. Now, however, especially when it was just the two of them, Dorian reveled in it. He wanted to explore all of it. This was more, Elden had said, and Dorian wanted it desperately, and more than anything he wanted to return it if he could.

He wished they could stay out here forever, but of course that was impossible. Eventually they ran out of breath and were forced to draw apart. They stayed close, sharing air as they recovered, a quiet laugh slipping from Elden as Dorian ran his hand through his hair, mussing it. Eventually, though, even that came to an end as it grew too dark and they had to return. The whole way back Dorian couldn't help but think that perhaps nature wasn't too terrible if it allowed more moments like these. Although he'd still rather they spend them indoors.


	29. Foolish Rewrite

So, I've been writing Elden and Dorian now for two years. March 1st was when I posted my first story for them, the first chapter of this fic actually, so I decided to celebrate by rewriting it, but from Elden's pov instead of Dorian's. Hope you enjoy.

* * *

It was well past sunset by the time Elden returned to his quarters, stifling a yawn as he tugged at his scarf to loosen it a little so he could breathe properly and finally relax. He crossed to his desk and poured himself a drink as he began sifting through the paperwork Josephine had left him, wondering if he should get started now or save it for the morning.

The door creaking open took him by surprise and he wracked his brain, worried he had forgotten something, but when he turned it was to see Dorian coming up the stairs and he couldn't help but smile. Elden was always happy to see him, of course, but they'd barely spoken today, too busy with their own work, and-as foolish as he felt admitting it even to himself-he had missed him. Still, it was rare for Dorian to pay him a visit unannounced, especially this late.

"So," Dorian began as he sauntered into the room and Elden waited expectantly. "It's all very nice, this flirting business. I am, however, not a nice man." Elden couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at that, smiling a little. Dorian's gaze became all the more intense and heated in response, however, striding towards him with a purpose that made it very difficult for Elden to concentrate on anything but him. "What say we dispense with the chitchat and move onto something a little more-primal," Dorian said.

_Oh_. Elden felt his face begin to burn as Dorian watched him intently, stroking his chin and smiling deviously at the way Elden completely froze up, no idea how to react.

"It'll set tongues wagging, of course. Not that they aren't already wagging. I suppose it really depends," Dorian said, and Elden found himself holding his breath as Dorian walked behind him, leaning in close and whispering. "How _bad _does the Inquisitor want to be?"

He could feel Dorian's breath against his ear, could feel his heat from how close he was even without touching and Elden couldn't deny that he wanted this. He'd never been sure of anything in his life, simply drifted through life directionless, barely getting by. But this, what he had with Dorian, their friendship, yes, but also the soft feel of their hands locked together and the nervous thrill when they kissed and the passion now that threatened to overwhelm him-he was sure of this and, Maker, he wanted it desperately. He had never been happier than he was with this man and the thought alone of saying yes and falling into that embrace was overwhelming.

But behind all that his mind was screaming. Was it all true for Dorian as well? Elden didn't know what was happening, it just didn't seem quite right and he didn't like not being sure how Dorian felt. They'd barely kissed a handful of times let alone discussed whatever it was they were doing, and now suddenly here they were. It was all just moving so fast and it terrified him. He didn't want to rush into anything, especially when he didn't even know where they stood or what they were to each other. What if this was all there was to it? What if this was all Dorian wanted?

Elden had been offered that type of relationship before and he just- he couldn't. There was no way he could keep his heart out of it; it was already far too late for that anyway. Besides, he could barely keep up with Dorian as is, there was no way he could hope to match him if this was the direction he wanted to take. If he was disappointing tonight, would Dorian even want to waste his time and come back tomorrow?

No, that wasn't fair. This was Dorian, after all. But then, this whole situation seemed very unlike him. Of course Dorian was an incredibly alluring and attractive man, but he'd never acted this way towards him before. Honestly, Dorian could render him speechless with a mere look and they both knew that; this whole thing just seemed unnecessary. It just felt like Dorian, this incredibly brave, genuine man, was suddenly using a well-practiced line on him, something meant for someone else in another time and place. Elden had tried to be honest with how he felt towards Dorian, to show there was no need for games, and he wasn't sure what this all meant.

Given the awkwardness of what happened with Dorian's birthright, Elden didn't want to make any more mistakes by rushing in blindly. He would probably regret it, he'd probably ruin this like he ruined everything, but he couldn't bring himself to say yes to Dorian now. He suddenly realized he wanted this to be genuine, or he wanted it to be nothing. If it turned out they both wanted something different romantically, he didn't want to risk their friendship at the very least. And, to be perfectly honest, he wasn't sure he was ready for this step. Not yet, not so soon.

Steeling himself, Elden stepped away ever so slightly as he turned to face Dorian. He crossed his arms awkwardly, more hugging himself than anything, the room suddenly feeling stifling. "Do we need to move things this quickly?"

"Quickly?" Dorian said, his voice a little too high in his surprise and Elden felt his stomach turn. Of course he was doing this all wrong. "My dear Inquisitor, by my standards we've been positively chaste."

"It just seems a little sudden," Elden said weakly. He really had ruined this, hadn't he?

"What is it you want from me, exactly?" Dorian asked, incredulously. "A _relationship_?" He said the last word with such disdain, it shook Elden. Maybe he'd read the whole situation wrong after all. Maybe he had been asking for too much and this had never even been an option for them. He felt like an idiot.

"Is that such a terrible idea?" he asked, not sure what else to say. Dorian stared at him in disbelief before turning away and now Elden just wanted to reach out to him. Why was that such a revelation? He'd tried to so hard to make himself clear, to let Dorian know how much he cared, but perhaps he'd failed at that entirely. "You're speechless."

"It doesn't happen often," Dorian said, finally turned back. He seemed to search Elden's face for a moment before glancing away. "Where I come from, anything between men… It's physical. It doesn't go beyond that. It's not that you don't care, you just… don't hope for more."

Elden's heart broke for him with the matter-of-fact way he spoke. He knew Dorian was a passionate man; he cared so much and fought so hard. How many times had he been rejected, forced to smother that part of himself? Had he resigned himself to being unloved? Dorian deserved so much, he deserved the world and more affection and adoration than he knew what to do with and it made Elden angry to think that he was ever given less.

"This is more," Elden found himself saying desperately. If nothing else, he had to make Dorian see that he was worth so much.

"You say that like it's a simple thing, easily imagined." Dorian looked tired. How long had it been since he'd given up hope? "I have no examples with which to compare."

"Let us be the example," Elden said before he'd even realized what he was saying. "That is," he backtracked quickly, "if it's what you want?"

"You are a remarkably bizarre creature," Dorian said, studying him, but at least his smile was back. "Fine, have it your way. I am, however, not leaving your quarters empty-handed. It's a matter of pride."

Elden wanted to ask what this meant for them, where they stood, but then Dorian moved in close, a hand coming up to brush against his cheek, and then Dorian was kissing him. Elden held him close feeling so relieved, one hand coming up to cradle the back of his head, just wanting to pour everything he had into this, to make sure Dorian never doubted how much he cared, how much this all meant to him. How much Dorian meant to him. He never wanted Dorian to doubt his immense worth.

Eventually Dorian pulled away, smiling fondly before turning to go. Maker, it was painful watching him leave, but Elden was hopeful, knowing they were on the same page and more comfortable now knowing they would be taking things more slowly. Elden was left standing there, feeling slightly dazed and already missing Dorian's touch, but happier than he thought possible.


	30. Home isn't a place

The Inquisitor's touches were gentle and so so painfully fond as his hand brushed across his cheek, and Dorian was very grateful for the hand resting on his lower back, holding him close and keeping him steady. It seemed so impossible that each small, chaste touch could be filled with so much emotion, but somehow Elden managed. Dorian didn't think he would ever truly get used to this. Each time it took him by surprise and nearly overwhelmed him, but he would never tire of it.

On the contrary, he sought it out, needing it, and tried to match it as best he could. After all, there weren't enough words for what this all meant to Dorian. Every time Elden placed a hand on his arm or simply leaned into him when they were sitting side by side, it was a constant reminder, a constant reassurance, that finally quieted the old fears and past injuries that tried to resurface and drown him. Despite his own pains, this all seemed so easy for Elden. He would give all of himself without hesitation and Dorian wanted nothing more than return just as much.

Elden was kissing him now, slowly trailing down to his neck; needy yes but also so loving, wanting nothing more than to make Dorian smile. It was as if Dorian was the only thing that existed in the world and all that mattered to Elden was making sure he knew how much he was loved, and how much he was needed. It made Dorian feel weak in the knees.

As Elden brought his lips to Dorian's again, he knew. He knew that Elden had examined every part of him, the beautiful and the ugly, and he loved all of it. Elden knew him inside and out, perhaps better than he knew himself, and there wasn't a single thing he would ever want to change. There were parts of himself that Dorian never liked to look too closely at, and yet Elden still wrapped that part of him up tightly in his arms and loved him all the harder.

But the best part was that Dorian finally knew he could trust all of this to someone. To Elden. He'd kept it all locked tightly away behind his sarcasm and wit for so long, deflecting and protecting himself above all else, but there was no need for that any longer. Elden had found every aching part of him and filled it so full of his gentle love and understanding and Dorian just wanted to do the same for him.

He brought his arm up around Elden's shoulders, partly to anchor himself but also to press them even more tightly against each other and Elden responded by practically melted into him. His presence alone was a comfort, but now Dorian was drowning in his warmth and it was perfect. He brought his free hand up to run through Elden's soft hair until he was cradling his head gently, fondly. Lovingly.

Elden claimed that he wasn't any good at expressing himself, that he constantly lacked the words to truly tell Dorian all he felt. As Dorian pressed his own kisses to Elden's neck, he mused that the Inquisitor seemed to be doing a fine job as he whispered, "love," into Dorian's ear, causing him to shiver as they held each other close.

Then again, Elden seemed to think he fell short in most ways. Elden, the leader of the Inquisition, the man who had practically single-handedly saved the world. The idea that he could ever feel inadequate seemed laughable, really. Dorian was determined to never release him until he would agree. Although, he was fairly certain Elden was planning to do the same for him.

It seemed they were both doomed to constantly seek to show the other how important they were, and how loved. Dorian couldn't help but chuckle into Elden's neck. He supposed there were worse ways to spend their time together, constantly showering each other in as much affection as they could.

"You all right?" Elden asked as he made his way back to Dorian's lips, smiling into the kiss as one hand ran soothingly up his back.

"More than all right, I'd say," Dorian said with another chuckle.

And his chest ached with the depths of the truth in that statement; pure joy that threatened to drown him, but he had long since accepted his fate. On the contrary, he welcomed it. He had wanted so much in his youth, all of it he thought far beyond his grasp, but now he had it and so much more than he even knew possible. He loved and was loved in every way possible; passionately and deeply as well as gently. Elden was his friend and his lover and it was impossible for him to be happier. He could still scarcely believe any of this was true; that Elden was his and he was Elden's in return.

He didn't need to hide anymore. He was wanted. He was home.


	31. Sleepy evenings

"Did you fall asleep back there?"

"Hmm?" Elden said groggily.

He was vaguely aware that he was pressed up against Dorian's back with his arms wrapped around him, warm water gently sloshing around his waist in the tub. It was very comfortable and warm and Elden was so tired. He readjusted so that his cheek pressed against Dorian's shoulder and he thought that if he could stay like this forever he would be happy. Very pruney, but happy.

"I thought you offered to wash my back?" Dorian asked, amusement evident in his voice.

"Right, sorry," Elden said, trying to blink his eyes into focus.

"Never mind, amatus, just stay there," Dorian said gently, running his own hand over Elden's. "I'm almost done and then we can get you to bed."

"Mm, thank you," Elden whispered, hugging him tighter. "I love you."


	32. Trust

"I really did trust you, you know," the Inquisitor said from where he lay on the couch with his head on Dorian's lap.

"Oh?" Dorian raised an eyebrow as he glanced over the top of his book at him. "Regardless of what this is about, most would consider that unwise."

"At Redcliffe, you said you'd protect me," Elden said, one hand idly playing with a buckle on Dorian's shirt, not looking at him.

"Maker, amatus," Dorian sighed, running a hand through the Inquisitor's hair, amused by the slight blush creeping into his cheeks. "You are much too trusting."

"You know I'm not," Elden replied, still examining the buckle and Dorian supposed that was true. The Inquisitor was merciful, but not naive. "It's just-it was impossible not to believe you after everything we went through. I just thought you should know."

"I suppose I'm not exactly one to talk," Dorian said, chuckling. "We barely knew each other and yet I was the one who said it. And I meant it."

"Well, we both saw what would have happened if I died. Besides, I know how important Alexius is to you, it makes sense that you didn't want more deaths on his conscious."

"That hadn't actually occurred to me at the time," Dorian set his book aside and continued to tangle his fingers in Elden's hair. "Of course stopping Alexius from doing anymore harm was why I was there, but how could I not wish to play the hero and rescue the dashing Inquisitor? And if I keep it up, he might deign to grant me a kiss."

Finally Elden looked at him and graced him with one of his fond smiles. It always took Dorian a moment to find his breath after. "You realize I wear full heavy armor into battle?"

"And, as it turns out, you're the hero here. Thank the Maker, really. I wasn't particularly keen on all that responsibility and you are much more adept at surviving than I. Still, I'll continue to watch your back if it's all the same to you."

"How about we watch each other's?" Elden suggested, resting a hand on Dorian's chest. "I don't want you doing anything reckless on my account."

"Me? Reckless? Never," Dorian said as he took the hand, twining their fingers as he leaned down to kiss him, Elden's free hand running through the short hairs at the back of his neck to urge him closer.

It was flippant, casual, but they knew the truth. They had both already done reckless things to protect each other, since as early as their first meeting even. Maker, they really were hopeless, weren't they? No matter how many times Dorian reminded himself how foolish this all was, it didn't matter. He continued to act without even thinking.

And he knew the Inquisitor had no such reservations. The world needed more good men like him and as long as Dorian was allowed to be close to him like this, he would never stop fighting. And as Elden sat up to deepen the kiss, pulling him closer, Dorian knew he would always do the same. Dorian still couldn't help but fear the worst but, Maker, in moments like these he didn't think he'd ever felt safer and more at home. Or more wanted.


	33. Important

The plan had been to rest a moment on the couch in front of the fire in Elden's quarters, perhaps even do a little reading before they retired for the night. They were so exhausted from the day's events, however, that instead they ended up sprawled together on the couch, Elden on his back with Dorian tucked firmly against his chest, book lying forgotten on the floor beside them. They had no intention of moving further, much too tired to reach Elden's bed let alone for Dorian to make the trip down the stairs in search of his own quarters.

Dorian didn't particularly want to leave anyway. He was growing accustomed to this, how natural it was to be with Elden, how at ease he felt when they were together. He cared for him more than he had ever thought possible and it was getting easier to ignore the fear and just bask in it. Besides, he would spend any moment apart from Elden simply counting the time until he could be at his side again so it was all worth it.

From bravery born of their drained state or something else, Dorian didn't know, Elden began whispering praise and affection as he pressed his lips lazily against Dorian's hair and temple, anywhere he could reach. Dorian felt so overwhelmed and had no idea how to respond. He buried his face into Elden's neck, burning with shame. As much as he appreciated the gesture, it was frustrating how easy it was for Elden to find the words, to shower him in such tender emotion. And here Dorian was with no words no matter how badly he wanted to return it all.

As he pressed closer against him, he realized Elden's arms around him were trembling. This wasn't easy for him at all, was it? Elden was constantly seeking to reassure him, to convey in any way he could that he cared so much, willingly baring his heart and making himself vulnerable time and time again for Dorian alone. And Dorian had been so stuck in his own insecurities and fears that he hadn't even realized it and he felt like an ass.

Dorian's eyes stung with tears and his breath hitched dangerously. He bit it back, trying to control the overwhelming swell of appreciation and affection. Dorian cared for him so much and with everything Elden did for him he just wanted him to know he felt the same and that he understood, even if he still didn't have the words for any of this. Dorian began peppering his neck with tender kisses, slowly making his way to his lips as he removed one of Elden's hands from his back so they could twine their fingers together.

Perhaps they wouldn't remember any of this. Sleep was even now threatening to overwhelm them both despite their seeking kisses but as Elden's arm tightened around his waist, Dorian could feel the trembling subside and that was all he needed for now. They could figure out the rest together in the morning.


	34. Soft

As miserable as traveling was, there was something about finally returning home after a long journey that Dorian quite enjoyed. Perhaps it was just the relief of being blessedly clean and sleeping in a soft bed again, but somehow it rather felt like coming home, particularly when he was here in the Inquisitor's quarters. Dorian was reclining on the bed as they settled in for the night and, despite how irritating he had found it when he'd first heard it, Dorian could almost have been lulled to sleep by the sound of wetstone over blade. He'd much rather it be the Inquisitor's arms around him lulling him to sleep, however.

"You realize there are people who would happily to do that for you," Dorian pointed out, not even glancing up from his book. "Perhaps even someone who isn't exhausted from having to trek through a snowstorm."

"It was barely snowing," Elden corrected with a fond smile. "And I'm almost done."

Dorian glanced up from his book and studied him for a moment; the way the Inquisitor slumped forward in his exhaustion and the dark shadows under his eyes. He must have been pushing through on stubbornness alone. It was ridiculous and completely unnecessary and Dorian sniffed in annoyance. "Well, if you won't come warm me up, at least throw another log on the fire."

"Fine, I get it," Elden said with a quiet laugh as he set his sword aside. "I suppose that's good enough for now. I'll stop."

He dropped onto the bed and crawled over so he could wrap his arms around Dorian's waist and bury his face in his chest. Dorian chuckled, running his fingers through his hair fondly. It was still slightly damp from the bath, leaving it particularly soft as it began to curl. It was a silly thing, really, but he loved Elden's hair. He loved how it was always messy, defying all but the most stubborn attempts to tame it. Even then, it usually curled definitely at the edges. And Dorian even loved the state it was in when Elden pulled his helmet off after a long day, sweat-soaked and sticking comically in all directions.

Dorian couldn't help but smile at the memory as he began massaging Elden's scalp, eliciting a content sigh from him as he relaxed. Dorian wished they could spend more time like this, just lazily enjoying each other's company. It would be nice if they weren't so exhausted of course. Tomorrow it would be back to business as usual and who knows when their schedules would match up enough to let them steal some time alone. Dorian settled himself in, holding his book up, determined to stay up at least a little longer to enjoy this. Without raising his head, Elden reached out blindly until his hand landed on the book and he pulled it from his grasp, tossing it aside.

"I was reading that," Dorian said indignantly.

"If I have to sleep, so do you," Elden replied, voice muffled against Dorian.

"Fine, you great oaf." Dorian said with a laugh. "What are we going to do with you?"

"Can we decide in the morning? I'm more tired than I thought."

Dorian readjusted so he could pull Elden closer, wrapping one arm around him while his other hand continued to brush through his hair. "I'll hold you to that," Dorian said, smiling, just focusing on Elden's even breathing and the feel of his heartbeat against his chest.


	35. Assassin

Dorian was sitting in his usual spot in the library. He had been there most of the day, slowly making his way through the pile of books that had accumulated on and around the table beside him. Eventually, long past the sun had set, Elden came staggering up the stairs and sat down heavily, leaning back against Dorian's chair.

"Not even going to say hello, Amatus?" Dorian asked, running his fingers through Elden's hair absently without taking his eyes off his book. Elden made a noncommittal sound. He must be very tired after the long day he had had, dealing with visiting nobles and whatnot. "Why don't you go to bed?"

"I'll go shortly," Elden said, leaning into Dorian's hand with a quiet sigh.

This wasn't exactly the first time something like this had happened. Elden had stolen quite a few naps here over the months. Dorian wasn't quite sure why he came here instead of going to his room, but he certainly wasn't going to complain.

Dorian continued to read for a time, but he could feel Elden leaning limply against his arm. He should probably get the man to bed before he passes out entirely. When Dorian stood up, Elden nearly fell over with the loss of his arm for support. Dorian sighed, although he was more amused than exasperated, and helped the Inquisitor up but kept a hand on his shoulder, steadying him, just in case.

"Have you been drinking?" Dorian asked, chuckling.

"Maybe a little?" Elden said blearily.

"'A little,'" Dorian echoed as he experimentally released Elden's shoulder. He swayed dangerously and Dorian quickly steadied him again. "It's only me, no need to try to hide it. I know Josephine had you meeting all sorts today, I'd want a drink or ten too. Perhaps just go a little easier next time. Or call me so I can join in on the fun at the very least."

Elden looked like he was going to protest but Dorian took his arm and half-supported him as he led him to his room. Luckily there was no one about at this hour to see the Inquisitor in this state. The stairs proved difficult but eventually Dorian got him to his bed. After pulling Elden's boots off and tucking him in, Dorian hesitated. He certainly hadn't seen Elden in such a state before and he wasn't entire sure he should be left alone at the moment. And, Maker, what had he been drinking? Did Bull give him something again?

Dorian was contemplating fetching a healer when he heard the clink of glass to his right. He thought he had seen movement out of the corner of this eye as well. Had a bird flown into the balcony doors? He walked over cautiously, telling himself he was being silly. Of course it was just a bird, what else could it be? Just the same he wished he had his staff on him, but unfortunately he'd left that behind in the library. The curtain was mostly drawn closed so he couldn't exactly see much, unfortunately.

He was reaching out to open the door when he saw the hole broken in the glass near the handle. He froze but suddenly the door flew open. Dorian staggered back, off balance, as a figure dressed all in black darted in, daggers flashing in the moonlight. Dorian warded the assassin off with a burst of fire but he was so fast. He was keeping Dorian on the defensive, making it impossible for Dorian to build up any power, just throwing out quick bursts of magic to ward the assassin off.

With disturbing speed, the assassin broke through Dorian's guard and kicked him in the chest, causing Dorian to go flying. He landed hard on his back and from his position on the ground he saw the assassin bearing down on him. This was it then. There was no way Dorian would be able to get out of the way in time. He might be able to get off one last powerful spell, but it would no doubt take them both out. But then he thought of Elden, helpless and probably already unconscious. If there was any chance he could be saved, it would be worth it. Dorian began charging up the spell, knowing he only had seconds to pull this off.

Suddenly a figure came barreling out of nowhere and Dorian's spell sputtered out as he recognized Elden. The Inquisitor charged right into the assassin, taking him by surprise and knocking him out onto the balcony where he tipped over the railing and fell without a word. Elden stared around in confusion for a moment before looking down at Dorian.

"You ok?" Elden asked but before Dorian could respond he collapsed.

"Elden!" Dorian scrambled forward, barely managing to catch him. "You idiot, what were you thinking?" he demanded, quickly checking him over for any injuries. He couldn't find any.

"Sorry," Elden said. "You can have the next assassin."

"I was doing just fine," Dorian snapped, angry and frantic and terrified as he finally realized what was happening. His hands were shaking so he gripped Elden more tightly, hoping he wouldn't notice.

"Can we pick up this argument later?" Elden asked. He was so very pale. "I don't feel very good."

"Elden," Dorian said. He could feel his blood freezing in his veins. There was a sick certainty weighing in the pit of his stomach that said nothing would ever be fine again. "I think you were poisoned."

"That explains a lot," Elden said much too casually, even managing to smile a little, although it was as bit more of a grimace.

"How can you be so calm?" Dorian snapped. Anger was easier. Maybe that was why Elden was doing this. Of course even now he was still trying to comfort Dorian.

"I'm sorry," Elden said, damn him. "I never wanted to worry you."

"Stop, don't you dare apologize," Dorian said desperately. His vision was blurred and he didn't even realize he was crying until Elden reached up to brush a tear away. He felt crushed under an awful weight and he knew he could not lose Elden. He just couldn't.

Suddenly there were Inquisition soldiers there. Dorian was in a daze as they pulled him away from Elden, to make room. He was vaguely aware that he told someone about the poison, but all he could do was stare on in horror with no idea what to do. He was utterly useless, just getting in the way, but all he wanted was to be close to Elden. Instead he backed away and dropped into a seat, his hands gripping the arms of the chair tightly to try to stop the shaking, to have something to hang onto. He felt like he was falling. All he could do was wait, barely registering what he was seeing as healers and soldiers came and went.

The next thing he knew, someone was touching his shoulder. He looked up in surprise to see Josephine there. Elden was laid out on the bed, almost like he was sleeping, and the healers were beginning to file out. For a moment Dorian feared the worst and he had to cover his mouth, a horrified sob threatening to escape.

"He's fine," Josephine said quickly. "The healers were able to make an antidote. The spy is dead, but more guards have been placed around the Inquisitor's quarters just in case. I'm so sorry, this is all my fault. The wine must have been poisoned."

She looked so pale and upset. There was no way Dorian could blame her, no matter how angry he wanted to be with someone, anyone. He didn't quite trust his voice yet, though, so he reached up and patted her hand clumsily, his own still trembling.

Eventually Dorian was left alone with Elden. He went to sit beside him on the edge of the bed and took Elden's hand, holding it tightly in both of his. Elden looked ashen and Dorian felt that horrible weight in his stomach, terrified that he could still lose him even now. It was disturbing seeing Elden like this. He was the Inquisitor, as powerful and unstoppable as he was kind and soft. Dorian had tried to prepare himself for the inevitable, knowing none of them were likely to get out of this alive, but he supposed he'd always assumed Elden would outlive him at least.

But that was only the case if the rest of them did their job watching his back. Dorian squeezed Elden's hand as he cursed himself. How could he not see that Elden had been poisoned? He had been suffering the effects the entire time in the library. It had been slowly killing him this entire time and Dorian had laughed at him and assumed it was nothing serious.

"Hey."

Dorian had been staring at Elden's hand in his own and he looked up to see Elden watching him. He looked so tired but he did his best to smile at Dorian, squeezing his hand back weakly.

"Hey yourself," Dorian said, rubbing quickly at his face, trying to compose himself. "How do you feel, amatus?"

"Like I've been poisoned," Elden said with a feeble laugh.

Dorian tried to glare at him but couldn't quite muster up the annoyance. He was just so relieved. He knew Elden was just trying to put him at ease but if he had the energy to joke, that had to be a good sign, right?

"I'm sure you've always wondered what it's like, but let's not do that again, hmm?" Dorian said. Two could play that game. Besides, he really didn't want Elden to waste energy trying to comfort him.

"Oh don't worry," Elden said with another quiet laugh. "Once was definitely more than enough for me."

"Good, now," Dorian said reluctantly. "I should really let you get some sleep."

"Wait," Elden asked quickly, almost desperately. "Can you stay? For a little while at least?"

Dorian couldn't help but smile, feeling so relieved. He didn't want to leave his side either. Elden made room on the bed and Dorian slipped in beside him, wrapping his arms tightly around him, feeling Elden's warmth. He was fever-hot but he was alive. He was alive. Elden held him just as close, burying his face in Dorian's neck. Dorian doubted he would be getting much sleep tonight but he kissed Elden's forehead, whispering words of comfort, determined to watch out for him while he slept. He couldn't lose Elden. He wouldn't. He just held him tightly, determined to never to led him go.


	36. A quiet evening in the library

Elden was so tired. He had had an awful day and he knew he should sleep but all he wanted to do was spend some time with Dorian. He found himself wanting to visit the mage in his little alcove in the library more and more each day. Just being in his presence made him feel so much better. Elden felt himself smiling in anticipation even before he reached the top of the stairs and spied Dorian lounging in his usual armchair with a book in his hand.

"Maker, you look terrible," Dorian said with that mischievous grin of his as he lowered his book slightly.

"Thanks," Elden said, smiling in return. "It's been an eventful day. Mind if I join you?"

"I don't see why not," Dorian replied. Elden immediately sat on the floor, resting his back against the side of the chair and he heard Dorian chuckle. "You don't want to, I don't know, sit at that table over there? Or pull up a chair? Look, that one has a lovely red pillow on it, I'm sure it would be very comfortable."

Elden sighed and leaned his head back. "This is fine," he said as he closed his eyes.

"If you say so." Dorian laughed again and his hand came down to rest on Elden's shoulder. "Would you like to talk about it, or–?"

"No, I'm much better now. Please, don't let me interrupt your book."

"It's a bit dry, actually," Dorian said. After a pause he added, "Cassandra loaned me another one of Varric's awful books. Shall I read that to you? You look like you could use a good laugh."

"Could you?"

Elden didn't mean to sound as excited as he did but the fond chuckle he earned from Dorian was worth it. As Dorian read, his hand came to tangle in Elden's hair, weaving through it gently. It was so soothing. Despite how much he wanted to stay awake Elden eventually found himself ushered towards sleep by Dorian's soothing voice.


	37. Perfect Night

Somehow, they'd ended up backwards on the bed tangled in the sheets as well as each other, but they didn't particularly care. Sure, they were too tired to move, but they were drowsy in that perfectly content way, knowing they had plenty of time, so they indulged and just enjoyed each other's company, talking and laughing with no concerns.

Elden was lying on his stomach, head on his arm as he watched Dorian, feeling like everything was absolutely perfect. Dorian was leaning on an elbow half on his side, pressed up against Elden with one hand idly rubbing across his back. The motion was so soothing he couldn't help but relax completely as he listened to Dorian recount a story, distracted by hand gestures and the way his mouth formed the words.

Elden wasn't even sure how long they had been like that, feet tangled together and the sheets twisted around so if one of them wanted to get up it would take them a while to figure out where one ended and the other began. It had been a couple hours at least, the sun long since set, but they had the light from the fire, warming the room and leaving them cosy and content. Although Elden would always be content when he was with Dorian.

As Dorian reached the punchline of his joke, Elden couldn't help but laugh, half burying his face in his arm. When he looked back up, Dorian was watching him, his expression so soft, a gentle smile tugging at his lips. He leaned in to kiss Elden, his hand coming up to tangle in his hair.

"I love you," Dorian whispered, foreheads pressed together. "I don't say it nearly enough and I'm sorry for that, but I do. I love you, amatus. More than I can say."

Elden reached out a hand to brush tenderly across Dorian's cheek. "You say it more than enough, my love. Every time you look at me," Elden leaned up to place a kiss to each of Dorian's eyelids. "Every time you say my name, or call me amatus," this time he leaned up to kiss Dorian's lips. Then he pulled away enough to take Dorian's hand, linking their fingers together and bringing his hand to his lips. "And every time you touch me."

"You great sap," Dorian said with a little laugh.

He leaned in to kiss Elden again, deeply this time. Elden rolled over so he could pull him closer as Dorian kissed his way down his neck and it was perfect. The future had always been an unknown for them. They were both so used to living in the moment, just trying to get by one day at a time with no plans, no certainties. Now they had one. They had each other. They were together and they were in love and if nothing else, they could believe in that no matter what the future held.


	38. Handholding

Dorian found himself incredibly distracted. He and Elden were ending their evening in a common enough way, curled up side by side on the couch reading their own books. Or, that is, Dorian would be reading if he could get himself to concentrate instead of staring fixedly at the same spot on the same page for longer than he'd like to admit. He wasn't actually sure when it had happened or who had initiated, but quite suddenly he'd realized they were holding hands and now he could think of nothing else.

The hand in his was warm and soft, much too soft for a warrior's hands. They were always like that despite the years of labor he had performed. They blistered easily and callused slowly and were a constant frustration for Elden. Still, Dorian loved them. And he loved being able to hold them in his own, to feel them against his skin.

It was ridiculous, such a small simple gesture, and yet to Dorian it somehow meant everything. He wasn't used to this, he wasn't used to Elden's tenderness and little ways of showing affection, and it was so frustrating how these sorts of things could completely throw him. Not only because he hated being taken off guard, he'd worked hard for this level of composure, but also because he wanted to be able to reciprocate, although he never knew how.

If anyone deserved such affection, it was Elden. He always showed more patience and understanding than he had any right to. Dorian was used to being entertaining, to keeping the attention of whoever he was with, knowing that as soon as he had nothing left to interest his partner, they would leave. And yet, here was Elden, giving everything while demanding nothing. Dorian never wanted Elden to feel as he himself had in the past. He wanted nothing more than to return all of this, the gestures and the tenderness and, more than anything, simply how Elden made him feel.

Dorian had been so caught up in his own thoughts that he hadn't realized that Elden seemed to have stopped reading as well. Although, instead of sitting at a single page like Dorian was, he had taken to turning pages more quickly than he could read, as if he was nervously attempting to hide his distraction. It was adorable and Dorian couldn't help the small smile pulling at his lips.

He still hardly knew what he was doing but Elden had said that they could figure this out together. So Dorian decide to take a page out of his book, doing something he would expect Elden to do in such a situation. He readjusted on the couch so he was leaning against Elden's shoulder, feeling his warmth and giving his hand a little squeeze for good measure.

He felt Elden stiffen a little at the sudden contact, but it didn't take long for him to settle in. Slowly but surely, Dorian could feel him relax until he even eventually returned to reading properly. It was amusing to see him flip back to figure out where he had left off. Dorian couldn't help his smug smile at the success. Putting Elden at ease was definitely an ability he would be proud to master.

Dorian was still unsure. He was on shaky ground and didn't know what might happen next. Still, it was worth it. He knew it was every time Elden smiled at him, every time Dorian pulled him close and felt his heartbeat against his chest. Every time Elden wrapped his arms around him, feeling so warm and secure. They could figure this out together and, no matter how fleeting, he would treasure simple moments like this one forever.


	39. Not just a port in a storm

"I've been a port in a storm before, I'd understand."

The reality of the statement was a heavy weight in the pit of Dorian's stomach, although he made sure the words sounded light. He could play pretty much any role, of course, he'd become very adept at this sort of thing, and he'd still rather have this time together than nothing at all. Yes, the Inquisitor and proposed something genuine, something more, but in this stressful climate it wouldn't exactly be unheard of for one to change their mind once the stress of life or death had passed. People could make foolish decisions while fighting for their lives and he certainly wouldn't fault Elden for seeking emotional support with everything that rested on his shoulders.

"Are you saying that because it's what you want?" the Inquisitor asked, looking much too sad and, honestly, taking Dorian by surprise. What he wanted didn't really matter, did it?

"You're the Inquisitor. You're the one with responsibilities. I am but an adornment upon your arm."

"You know you're more than that to me," the Inquisitor said forcefully, louder than he meant to, wincing as it echoed through the rotunda. He continued more quietly but certainly no less urgently. "That's not what this is, Dorian."

"All right, all right," Dorian said placatingly.

"No, I need you to know," Elden said, looking desperate as he searched for the proper words. "I don't ever want you to think that. I'm not just looking for sympathy and comfort. I care about you, and I want to be here for you just as much as you've been here for me."

"You're very sentimental for someone who's killed as many people as you have," Dorian said, not quite sure what to do with his desperate sincerity.

Elden sighed, clearly frustrated with himself and the difficulty he was having in formulating a reply. "I just never want you to have reason to doubt this, how I feel. I need you to know. I want to be with you, now and for as long as possible."

"Sweet Maker, next you'll be making calf eyes at puppies," Dorian said, trying to still sound aloof. It didn't last long. "I… don't know what the future holds. For us or anything. That's my honest answer. Once Corypheus is defeated, when this is over… I'd like to talk about it more. If you would."

It was a non-answer, perhaps even a cheap way to end the discussion with no real finite decisions, but honestly it still felt like a huge step for Dorian. He didn't want to tie Elden to anything on the off chance he changed his mind in the end, but the idea that it could actually happen, that the Inquisitor might actually wish to continue this? It was all so difficult for Dorian to grasp, but he couldn't stop himself from hoping, almost desperately.

Perhaps Elden understood (the blasted man somehow always seemed to be too skilled at reading him) because he reached out and took Dorian's hand, squeezing it tightly, before he left. Dorian turned back to the bookcase, but he was too deep in thought to do more than stand there, wondering if this could truly be happening. If he could truly have this, have everything he'd ever wanted. With Elden.


End file.
